Thursday, April 8, 2010

Six Feet From the Edge...

Ever have those lines from songs that just pop out at you like a sore thumb?  Not always in a bad way, mind you, but at times in a way that you identify with on a soul level?  I can recall singing (for the 100th time) a song on the radio, when all of the sudden, ♪♫♪ "How many times can I break till I shatter?"...♪♫♪  played and hit me like a ton of bricks.  At that moment in time I deeply identified with a lyric that I'd casually repeated dozens of times before.

I'm sure it is crazy of me to admit this, but quite often I feel as if my life is a movie.  At times I even could tell you what song is/would-be playing in the background of this "scene".  I know, I'm nuts.

Last night I was watching an episode of "Six Feet Under".  In this scene two older women, sisters, are having a fight that the audience understands to be a deeply rooted issue going back many years.  The main character in the show, Ruth, is attacking her sister for being free-spirited and artsy, while she (Ruth) was forced to play the role of becoming a wife and Mother and raising a family, etc.  And finally, in an all out verbal vomit of sorts, the sister confesses her envy of the life that Ruth had - and we discover that she herself was never able to have the children she so desperately wanted. 

And this line stuck with me;  "I surround myself with people who have talent that I will never realize."

The past few episodes of the show have made me wonder about my life - and then they were followed by this one, and this line.  Ironic.  I can't say I'm fully ready to unpack this sentence...nor do I really feel like I fully get it yet.  But as a single woman, who more than likely will die alone.  I have to assess what my life really stands for and what I invest my time into.  Is my life making an impact?  I think so.  But how?  Is it ironic that the closest bonded friendships I have or that I am in the process of forming, are married women?  And married women with children, to top it off!

"I surround myself with people who have talent that I will never realize."

In one respect I think it's always best to surround yourself with people who will push you to grow.  If you are always the one advising others, or helping others along...then are you really growing or going forward yourself?  But then again, when you really stop to realize it...isn't it a sick sort of torture as well?

These are just my random thoughts...

4 comments:

Just Tryin' To Be Real said...

First off, not to sound totally gay, or overly Michael Jackson-ish, but you are not alone. You will not die alone, because you are surrounded by people who love you, like myself. I'm certain that what you are speaking of was the presence of a man. Noted. However, I am freaking crazy about you, and I am not going going anywhere.

Just Tryin' To Be Real said...

I just realized that I put a "first off" and I didn't even have a "secondly" hmmmm.... oh well.

Yes, it's me. said...

I'm not sure about that, T. I mean, there are many ways to take the word 'alone'. Just because we are alone (without a sig. other) doesn't mean that we *feel* alone. Just because we have a great group of friends and family that are there for us in the midst of anything, doesn't mean that we aren't "alone" (physically) at the end of the day.

So many ways to read it.

I've been watching "Six Feet Under". In fact, it's all that I watch - given the fact that I do not have cable. All that I have right now are dvds, so death has been on the brain a lot. Not in a weird depressy/emo way though! ;)

But seriously. I look at so many people dealing with so much pain right now, and I wonder if it's a better thing that I won't be that for someone else. I won't break someone's heart. I won't leave children without a Mom, or a husband without a Wife...

Just thoughts. I mean, you know I am totally open to marriage and all, but really....maybe I don't know anymore...

Just Tryin' To Be Real said...

That is true. I suppose you have a point. I don't know how I feel about that though, I may just have to process all that you said a little more...

Even though there isn't a man for either of us right now, I still have hope for us. Otherwise, I think I would be okay with not getting married.Not saying that I am not content being single... because I am. I just want more. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think God would give me a desire and then have it not come to fruition. Who knows. Again, I could be completely wrong.