Monday, March 30, 2009

Call Back

I just got an out of State call, so I ignored it.
They left a voicemail.
I checked it...
A publishing company in Pennsylvania is interested in reading my manuscript for a children's book! I have to call "Olivia" back to discuss it. Exciting, huh!?
I'm not getting my hopes up, but I am. However, not so much about this Children's Book. I'm more excited about the confirmation that when I feel set to run with an ACTUAL book that I've poured my heart in could ACTUALLY happen.
That's what these Baby Steps were all about....

I'll keep you posted!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Baby Steps

Today I sent out two things. One, a manuscript and cover letter. Two, a query letter regarding the manuscript I sent to the other place. The manuscript: a children's story that I'm not in love with and will possible re-write a dozen times.

Why did I send something that I don't love?

Answer: to DO something. Only so long can you talk, think, and dream of something. Baby Steps help you get there. You do little bits and you fall, but it's the reaction that counts. Dust yourself off and try again - getting increasingly better as you go.

I've determined to send off little stories etc. in the midst of writing the actual book that I've been working on since 2007. We'll see how it all goes. In the meantime I am absolutely devouring "Children's Writer's & Illustrators Market (2009)". It is the must-have bible of aspiring writers.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Weekend Away...

I had the best weekend.

I had hoped to post some pictures in this blog...but I've left my camera card at home. *sigh*
Friday night straight after work I drove 41 minutes to Twin Lakes, WI. It was a beautiful evening and the sun was still allowing me to see where I was going to - thankfully, because had it been dark, I may have driven off a cliff! I pulled up to my home-away-from-(temporary)home!

I spent the evening watching tv, writing in my notebook - lists of what I wanted to accomplish over the weekend, and just plain settling in. It was a glorious night.

Saturday was full of nature walks, sitting on the pier watching the water and boaters go by, soaking in the warmth of the sun in my jeans and sweatshirt....nice...writing, reading, and working on a water color painting using only water from the lake! It was SO much fun.

I also ventured out into the surrounding small towns during the late afternoon. I picked up some paper from a local grocery store, stopped and took some photos (of which I will post soon!), and I stopped at a beautiful little graveyard that I had passed on my way in to town on Friday. I wished I would have stopped on Friday to take some pictures because the sunset behind the graveyard and church were breathtaking. But, I didn't. So Saturdays pictures were just a glimpse of how cool the place looked in the eeriness of nightfall...

Sunday morning, I woke up bright and early. 6am to be exact. I layered up and headed down to the beach. I climbed into the rowboat and rowed into the middle of the lake and sat...waiting. At about 6:51am I was greated by the sunrise. It was beautiful. For a moment I was reflective, thinking of my Mother and her love for sunrises... Thinking of how she, Laura and I had planned on going to see the sunrise on Thursday morning... the day that turned out to be when the infection set in. I don't remember the date of my last sunrise with my Mom, but the memories of those adventures are strong. She would have loved this one.

My butt was freezing cold though, against the metal of the boat.

Thus the summary of my weekend. If you need a nice getaway that seems woodsy, yet you're actually by people (so you feel safe!), these cabins are a great choise.

In May, I will give you the review of my trip to Trillium(sp?) Cottages in WI. Then, in August/September you shall hear of my trip to Virginia!!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Get Out of Dodge

I have been craving getting away to a cottage or a cabin.
Looks like I may have my chance this weekend! WOO!

I am so excited.

A weekend at Twin Lakes; Mary, to be exact.....

Monday, March 16, 2009

I Carried A Watermelon??

I don't have the money, per say, but I need to get away. It's something I've been wanting to do for some time now. I would love to take an actual vacation, to an actual vacation destination. Perhaps next year will finally bring me to Australia to visit my good friends there...

In the meantime, I've got two get-aways in the works at the moment. One is coming up maybe in the next month or so. A weekend away with my friend Kenzie in WI. Check it out here. It seems like a fun adventure and what better time than Spring?? For those of you new to my blog-life, I hate Summer. Hate it. There is no way around it. Unless it's tame and mild, I'm sweaty and miserable. I'm all about Spring and Fall.

My next trip will be yet another weekend one. This will be a road trip with my best bud from childhood - recapturing just that, our childhood! Our addiction to all things Dirty Dancing, has led us to Mountain Lake in Pembroke, Virginia at the end of August. If it all works out, this is what we will be doing: Heidi_and_Amie's_Dirty_Dancing_Extravaganza.

These are the exciting things in my life at the moment. I also have a church retreat in Indiana coming up in July - although, I'm not incredibly excited about that because Indiana is not an amazing place in my book. I know, I know, "there's more than corn in Indiana" (cue the black cartoon raven with the swimsuit on) but really? No. There's not.

Off to work I go!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Some People Get Long Vacations...

This week has been a week of revelations, at times. It's been just over a month since my Mother passed away and I realize that it is only at certain times that I actually feel it hit me like a momentary ton of bricks.

I babysat on Monday night and decided to flip on the television. As I was skimming through the channels in a daze, I stopped on Dancing With The Stars. It was just at the moment they were asking for the judges opinions on a performance. Without thinking about it I reached for my cell phone, then stopped. Sickness flooded over me as I realized that I wanted to call my mom to talk about the show. We always watched Dancing With The Stars at the same time and then talked on the phone during it.

Suffice to say, I turned the television off and got back to my list.

I'm a list writer. I write lists all the time. I'm in the middle of writing a list of things that I do, people that I spend a lot of time with etc. In the end, my goal is to assess each and every one to see if they are productive and actually bring joy to my life and/or are a wise use of my time.

My tooth hurts. I wish I had money and dental insurance. It's sad that someone can LOVE going to the dentist, but not be able to do it as often because of finances. Blah!

I bought some Ranch flavoured Rice Cakes to eat. Why? Because I like them.

I wonder when my Mom is coming back from vacation. She's been gone too long.

Friday, March 6, 2009

How Many Times Can I Break Till I Shatter?

Have you ever wanted to completely leave your life? I don't mean that in a depression/suicide/mental-basket sort of way. I just mean, leaving....changing...escaping. In a sense, running away.

I've often looked fondly on people who up and move at the drop of a hat. They go wherever the wind takes them. Free spirits. I've lived with at least 13 people/roommates. All of them had very different personalities; they all were unique in their own ways. But two in particular stuck out. They were the two that saw life as an adventure and followed it wherever it took them. Part of me was always jealous of that. Part of me has always wanted to be that way.

I loved living in St. Louis. I loved every bit of it. I loved the whole aspect of being away from everything that I could hold dear to and find my security and identity in. I embraced the newness of my life and with every breath I drank in the freshness that I found. Then I knew it was time to return to Kenosha. Time to return to my life. Kenosha hadn't changed much, but I had.

Nothing in my life has panned out the way that I thought it would. Not one thing. I'm actually "okay" with it, really. I'm almost 30 and over the last year have become fine with the prospect of maybe being single for my entire life - over this past week I've actually gotten to a place where I don't want to be married at all. I don't think I'm cut out for it. Don't think I can handle it. That's huge.

I'm almost 30 and I thought that by now I'd have been everywhere. I would've guessed I'd have lived in England, lived in Africa, been to Scotland, seen Ireland as I rolled through the grass there, I'd have at least 4 or 5 children already and be getting closer and closer to returning to Kenosha to raise them there.

Clearly that is not the case. Not the case at all.

I am fine with those things, but this season of life has hit me hard. When my mom was sick I knew the strength and peace of God. I knew the nearness of the people who loved me the most. Now I feel, alone. Not that God has left me or anything, but just that He's allowing things to happen to me so that the nasty things IN me would rise to the surface to get dealt with. It sucks. I feel ugly and annoying. Why would anyone else like me when I can't even stand myself? Ha! I'm just being honest. The millions of people (or maybe just two) who read this know I'm not a person who seeks outward patting on the shoulders to find my identity. That's the last thing I need, attention like that. I'm just being perfectly honest, open and real. Writing is the easiest thing for me to do, yet seems to have gotten me in the most amount of trouble as well in recent times.

Pressure. I feel pressure in every area of my life. I find rest in none, but God. It's hard. It sucks a lot of the time. It would be so much easier for me to run away from everything. I know I'm supposed to be here, but I don't want to be. I'd rather just run away; drop contact with anyone and everyone, start over in a small town with a new name and a new identity...

In other news....

I had a dream last night that I was at a huge Presidential function in a large field-house. Barak was there walking around but no one could get to him. Brianne and Laura were there with me and had already taken their seats - after trying unsuccessfully to get over to the Obama's to shake their hands. I was on my own for a bit and as I was walking, straight in front of me was Barak, walking towards me. I confidently walked up to him, which threw him off guard, I stuck out my hand and met his with a firm handshake. Holy freakin' heck, the guy was like 7 feet tall and massively intimidating. I looked him in the eye and said "Hello Mr. President, I just want you to know that I am seeking God for you and your family. I'm praying for you." With that I smiled, and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. Then I walked away and found my seat.

I woke up thinking that Barak Obama wanted to kill me with his laser beam eyes.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Eccentric Whirlwind

I have the name of a character, and perhaps the title, of a children's book! Normally it is the story that floats around my brain and causes characters to develop. This time, however, I saw the name and it stemmed from there. Now the question is when will I do something about it? When will I sit down and write it out and develop the story?

My whole life is changing and I continue to find myself in a whirlwind of unknowns. I hate it.

I am a person who doesn't love predictability per say, yet now I am in such absolute unpredictability that I find myself almost longing to be just a "normal", boring, person.

Tonight is mine. I will stay home. When I get home from work I will put my PJ's on and work on labeling, folding, stuffing, sealing and sorting the 150 letters, cards and 'hugs' cards my mother asked me to do for her. I purpose to get it finished, finally.

After that I have a date with LOST.

Maybe I'll write a bit?

Sleep sounds the best though.........