Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Some People Get Long Vacations...

This week has been a week of revelations, at times. It's been just over a month since my Mother passed away and I realize that it is only at certain times that I actually feel it hit me like a momentary ton of bricks.

I babysat on Monday night and decided to flip on the television. As I was skimming through the channels in a daze, I stopped on Dancing With The Stars. It was just at the moment they were asking for the judges opinions on a performance. Without thinking about it I reached for my cell phone, then stopped. Sickness flooded over me as I realized that I wanted to call my mom to talk about the show. We always watched Dancing With The Stars at the same time and then talked on the phone during it.

Suffice to say, I turned the television off and got back to my list.

I'm a list writer. I write lists all the time. I'm in the middle of writing a list of things that I do, people that I spend a lot of time with etc. In the end, my goal is to assess each and every one to see if they are productive and actually bring joy to my life and/or are a wise use of my time.

My tooth hurts. I wish I had money and dental insurance. It's sad that someone can LOVE going to the dentist, but not be able to do it as often because of finances. Blah!

I bought some Ranch flavoured Rice Cakes to eat. Why? Because I like them.

I wonder when my Mom is coming back from vacation. She's been gone too long.


BeeKay said...

I went to the dentist yesterday! I hope you get to go soon.

I don't mean to ignore things you post about your mom, it's just that I don't have any constructive advice. I'm sorry. It sucks. There is nothing that will make it suck less except for time. That sucks.

Allison said...

Likewise, I have no constructive advice. I think it's great that you're thinking it all and writing about it, though. And I'm reading it, and sympathizing.

Hi-D said...

Thanks girls, I don't expect that you'll have much to say about it. I'm just writing it here cause it's a safer place than facebook or something. I'm aware that it's a subject that makes other people feel awkward or uncomfortable. It's just my life at the moment. It won't be long till the days of summer bring about more exciting tales to tell!

chen said...

Time heals.
Our young friend Connor told us recently that he still thinks his dad will walk in at any time. May 2 will mark one year since his death. Connor tried to give his dad CPR one morning before school when his dad was having a hard time breathing, and the last time he saw him alive he was being loaded into an ambulance. Connor was 13. He's freshly 14 now and I have no idea what to tell him either, except for time heals. It gets easier and easier, and the pangs of hurt start to subside. The emptiness starts to fade.

When my mom died someone sent me this sentiment, and it's true:

Happy times and bygone days are never truly lost. They grow more wonderful within the heart that holds them.

The good will grow and the hurt will go away. I promise.