The Way I See It

Thing 9

2012-02-13T23:48:00.001-06:00

Make totally homemade bread, like Amish people or something.

Well said, right?

I am domesticated like nobodies business. While most little girls were dreaming of independence and working, I was dreaming about homemaking and all that came with it. My Mother taught me well. I was raised with an understanding that I'm not hopeless and probably *will* be stuck doing a lot of things on my own as an adult (well played, Mom) but real delight comes in crafting things with your own two hands. Bread was something I had never attempted before. Out of all of the baking and cooking I've done in my life, I had never made actual bread before! Actual bread, in my mind, is bread made with yeast and done by hand. Bread machines don't count - as I've made dozens upon dozens of loaves in there. And banana breads etc do not count because, well, they are super simple and they also require no yeast.

On Friday night all of my Saturday plans were canceled. A walking date and a single-girls chocolate-tasting party were all canceled because my friends came down with illnesses. Bummer dude. With an entire Saturday open - it was time to bake!

First step, get that yeast going!

Beautiful. Just a little sugar, yeast, bread flour and warm water. Then set that off to the side while I start the big stuff...

Any sort of kitchen activity peaks the curiosity of the male in the house. It only took about two minutes to pass before Mr. Man came wandering in, wondering what the heck was going on. "Don't worry about it, Buddy. I'm just mixin' up some bread dough."

More water, quick oats, bread flour, the yeast mixture...

Yeah, just so we're clear, my biggest bowl was too small for this project! I eventually (while slowly adding in the flour) had to dump it all on the table and mix it by hand. Nothing makes you feel more old-fashioned than kneading dough by hand. I absolutely loved it.

Time to put that puppy in a bowl, slap a damp towel on it and let it sit for an hour...

and rise...

Apparently this would also be when my magic trick took place. Not only did I make dough rise, but it seems that I also turned my towel from gray to purple. I have skills.

That's one hunk of dough. Like how I added the bottle cap to give you perspective?

After dividing it into 6 even balls, I panned 3 and froze the rest of them.

And yet again I let those suckers sit for an hour.

Once they were ready I set them in a 350 degree oven for about 35 minutes. The results were mighty tasty!

I passed 2 loaves on to friends and family and with the remaining one, I lived on sandwiches for the rest of the weekend! "Thing 9" was a total success!

Tameiki

2012-02-09T19:08:00.000-06:00

Japanese for: a sigh; deep breath

That's how my week is going. Not that I have anything to complain about; it's just life. My taxes have been filed so I no longer need to plain out how I'm going to get that done. And I still have leftover ribs from yesterday. Double bonus!

I've been thinking a lot lately about my childhood friendships. Perhaps I mentioned that on a past blog, I'm pretty sure I did. Anyway, I have been blessed with some serious characters in my life. As I sat in my house last night and thought about how much I'd love someone to help me organize the chaos of my dining room, the only person I could settle on wanting was my childhood best friend, Naomi.

You see, I was a messy kid. My room was a pigsty. I couldn't keep that thing cleaned and organized ever. And I mean EVER. When I was 8 my Mother had a bone marrow transplant and as a result she couldn't be around dust or germs AT ALL, during her recovery. I came home to an empty house. Other than books and a few toys that could be washed and saved, everything was packed in the garage or attic, or it had been thrown out or taken by the family and friends who cleaned the house for us - including pictures, which sucks because I know that a lot of pictures from before that time were split among other people...meaning, I missed out on a lot of historical pictures of my family. Whatever, point being, I had pretty much nothing. We started over. Sometimes life does that to you.

As a kid you accumulate a lot. I brought things home, was given things, was handed down things...I wasn't lacking. I may never have had new things, but I had "things" none the less! And some of those "things" I still have to this day. Yikes.

Some people are good at purging belongings. I fail at this. Maybe it's because I wasn't given the chose 24 years ago, but I refuse to use that as a crutch. I have moved 6 or 7 times in my adult life. Prior to that, in my dependant life (read: the first 18 years on earth) we never moved house. My parents got married and LIVED in the house that my Dad still resides at. That's a lot of crap build up! And now, 14 years after I first left my parent's home, I now am getting all of my junk in one place. It's finally ready to be sorted through.

Where do you even start?

That's where Naomi would be great. She ROCKED at this sort of thing. Any time that I was grounded and couldn't go outside till my room was clean, Naomi was the friend that came over and did it for me! No lie. What kind of jerk friend was I? I did the cooking, Naomi did the organizing and we both did the washing. That's a true friend.

Now I get home at the end of a long day and the last thing I want to deal with is a box that contains everything from random candles and notes, to journals and random bits of paper. I hate it. It's the thorn in my side. It's that THING in your life that you want dealt with but you don't want to deal with it!

Irony.

How did this rabbit trail even start? I have no clue!

What I DO know, is that I need to get Dawson's Creek over to my friend's house tonight. She needs Season 4, stat! And no, it's not Naomi that needs it.

Ribs and The Bachelor

2012-02-08T17:56:00.000-06:00

Tonight I dine on ribs. I'm a gal who loves meat and I have been looking forward to ribs all week. I shall devour ribs and catch up on The Bachelor. Oh what a glorious evening!

Thing 8

2012-02-07T11:48:00.002-06:00

Go ice skating.

Chazz: Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy: Did you just say mind-bottling?
Chazz: Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?

How could I start this post without including a quote from either Blades of Glory or The Cutting Edge? It was irresistible...like a baby, or an awesome brush. "No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more then I love this brush." (Blades of Glory) Okay, I'll stop now. "TOE PICK!" (The Cutting Edge) Okay really now, I'm done, I promise.

So, Nancy Kerrigan, eat your heart out because guess who hit the ice on Saturday?

(Getty Images / Chris Cole)

Not you! Well, maybe she did, actually, I really wouldn't know... But anways, it was

THIS GIRL!

Notice the leg-warmers. I'm legit. Too legit to quit.

This adventure seemed a lot more romantic when Winter first arrived. Back then there were all those welcoming images of couples holding hands and snuggling while smiling and enjoying the ease of skating on ice. Back then there were Hallmark worthy moments in movies where crowds of people happily flowed across pristine ice arenas while laughing with wide open smiles, like Julia Roberts, at the joys of life. All the while gigantic snowflakes peppered the atmosphere and somehow it all felt so cozy.

That is so not the case. When I stepped my first skate onto the ice my first thought was "Holy crap, this ice is slippery!" Well duh Einstein, it is ice after all. And you are walking out onto it (basically) on knife blades - what do you expect it to be like?

(this is my favorite of our pictures)

When I was a kid roller skated all the time. I mean it. All. The. Time. That made the switch over to ice skating pretty simple. In many ways it was similar. I wasn't amazing but I could get the job done - so as an adult, how hard could it be? The last time I'd skated on ice was probably 3 or 4 years ago. I'm definitely older (and fatter) now, my body didn't take kindly to me thinking that I was still 12. Oh well, deal with it Body.

My shin muscles (who knew those were real things?) hated me the most. Oh, and my knees, but those tend to hate me on a regular basis anyway.

Moral of the story: I didn't fall. Not once. Neither did my friend. We may have held hands for awhile, but we didn't hug the wall and we didn't bite it falling over (or in front of) all the little kids. And believe me there were plenty of them! I guess it was because of the intense mass of people that we kept it tame. I mean, I'm sure if it wouldn't have been for the hundreds of people we would have had enough space to practice our short program but we didn't want to risk slicing some child's face open with our skate. A few triple axles and we were good to go. *wink*

All in all a wonderful day. I didn't even wake up sore the next morning, other then the tenderness around my ankles where the skate tongues dug in because I tied them so tightly. AND to top it all off, we went out for pizza and used the coupons (for FREE slices) that we had won at the Humane Society Lunch the previous weekend. Bonus!

Just another day in the life of a professional figure skater.

Thing 7

2012-02-04T11:01:00.001-06:00

Plant a tree in Nelson's (or Areba's) name.

I may just give myself a half-credit on this one, as I'd love to physically plant trees at some point this year. But oh well. For my friend's 32nd birthday I researched and found a great organization to donate some money to. You donate money, they plant trees to rebuild forests that have been somehow devastated; whether by man or by nature. It's winter in the Midwest, so planting trees myself, not gonna happen. But when I found this organization who could plant 25 trees with a donation, I jumped on it!

Nelson is the name of my friend's side-kick, a pug. Nelson was just a smiley happy little guy who lived only 6 short years. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing my friend had ever done. I thought what better gift could I give, or buy, than the gift of planting trees in his memory? So that's what I did. And then two days later I realized that we had it as a "thing"!

Opening up the certificate that I'd framed (myself) for her made her cry right away, and I wasn't expecting it to make ME cry too! What the heck? It was so great being able to bless her like that, and being able to remember a little guy who wasn't just someones pet, he was family, and will be forever loved and missed.

Let's Talk About Books, Baby!

2012-02-03T01:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, for being a blog that primarily was to focus on writing I have not talked about books in a long while! I shall remedy that starting....now!

My writing style is different from most. Obviously. I think everyone writes differently; just as everyone studies differently. My sister graduated Law School by blasting music, whereas when I am in a focused mode I like silence. In traffic jams or snow storms you will find me in an absolutely quiet car. No lie. When it comes to writing, I find that the moment I am focused on what I am doing, all else (apart from the Bible) falls away. I cannot even look at a book. It's not that I hate them, it's just that I have a fear that they will somehow taint me. Books that I gravitate to are very similar to how I'd write and I don't want them to change the true flavor of what I'm trying to express.

Examples:

Jen Lancaster and David Sedaris are my go-to authors. They "get" me. They have that sarcastic flavour that I love and they tell it like it is, much like me. I loaned out all of my Jen Lancaster books and hid my favorite Holidays on Ice book by David Sedaris last November. Why? Because I was writing the book about my life; and while sarcasm and wit (okay, I won't lie, I accidentally typed "shit" instead of "wit" just then. I didn't catch it until I read back the line. That's hilarious.) are what I was living, drinking, eating and breathing while I wrote...I didn't want other influences to spice my cooking.
When I began my book on "Finding the Blessing in Singlehood", I ceased reading any books of the sort. My experiences, perceptions, revelations and anecdotes need to be my own. Of course books influence your life and they always will, but in the heat of the moment, I want to get all of my stuff out there before going back in the editing process and changing huge chunks of it. Also, on this particular subject, I've found that 99.9% of books on singleness are written by married people. Ironic. I feel like I have a voice into this subject that a married person just can not carry.
Writing becomes my life. When I wrote Lily of the Valley back in 2010, I found that my life got shaken. It was my very first novel and it was (and is) truest to me. I very much was Penelope and the more I wrote, the more I learned about myself. It was a strange feeling and very difficult at times. I found myself feeling like I was living an episode of Dawson's Creek. Needless to say, my breaks from writing were not spent reading.

After completing the rough draft of my Memoir (back in November) I took a break from writing. That break is coming to a close soon and I will be going back to tackle the heck out of that book. In the meantime, I finally picked up some books and caught up on my reading.

For Christmas my sister bought me a Nook. It just may be one of the best presents I have ever received. It was extremely thoughtful and something I'd been dreaming about yet never anticipating I'd actually ever own one! I fought tooth and nail against the switch to ebooks, yet that is the shift that is happening and as an author who hopes of publishing one day, I could no longer pretend it wasn't there. Nothing will ever in my mind replace the feel of a physical book; the scent of the pages as they age, the crispness of a book being "cracked" for the first time...these are romantic things to me. ebooks just don't have that appeal. Having said that, I can't now also confess that I adore the swishing sound my Nook makes when I "turn" the pages! So consider that (and this) my disclaimer: I love books. I will always buy books. Nothing can replace a physical book...buuuuuut, ebooks are convenient and kind of fun!

Let's get down to business:

Seriously...I'm Kidding by Ellen Degeneres. Good book. Easy read. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ELLEN! I have loved Ellen ever since way back before she hit it huge and had her own talk show. My Brother, however, cannot stand her. If she grates on you, do not read her book because the reasons I enjoyed the book are the same reasons why you would hate it. Ellen writes just like she speaks. The book has no real focus, no real point. It is entirely train of thought; with a few coloring pages and haiku's thrown in the mix (and no I'm not kidding). It was just what my brain needed and I definitely enjoyed it! If you love Ellen, read it. If not, then read Bossypants by Tina Fey. That book was fantastic.

Sticking with my easy reads, I purchased Become Your Own Matchmaker by the Millionare Matchmaker's Patti Stanger. A friend of mine had gotten this book for Christmas and absolutely raved about it. So much in fact, that I had to buy it because she wouldn't lend hers to me! Now, walking into this read I was hugely skeptical; I mean come on, a book is not going to help me find a man and I'm not going to pretend that it will! I don't do online dating, I don't go to single's mixers, I'm just old-school. Maybe that's why I'm still single! Just kidding. I read this book with a huge bent in me to just laugh at all the things she throws out there, the odd thing was, I didn't! I actually enjoyed a lot of the points that she made. I think it simply was because I was totally skeptical that I enjoyed it. I ended up taking several of Patti's suggestions and incorporated them into my life; not because I am trying to win myself a man of my very own(!) but because they were actually sage advice. Good book. Easy read. If you're reading it out of desperation, you probably have bigger problems you need to deal with, but if you're reading it for fun - have at it! As a "single" or a "married" it's good to be reminded what little things we can do in our lives to have an impact on the world around us.

Lip gloss, I never leave home without it!

Not to be without my share of celebrity gossip, I broke down and bought (on my Nook) Jo Piazza's Celebrity Inc. I have wanted this book since before it even hit the stands. I am about halfway through it and am definitely eating it up. Hollywood and "celebrity" has always been intriguing to me. Like, where did Paris Hilton come from out of nowhere? And why is Kim Kardashian making so much money? And what's the deal with people like Spencer and Heidi? I mean, come on! This book exposes Hollywood for the money maker that it is. The truths that are outlined on the pages of this book are shocking and not entirely unexpected. Everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is worth money and it is interesting how we, the consumer, feed into this money machine. At times boring, but overall captivating if you are at all interested in celebrity gossip and the breakdown of it all.

My future tackle (no pun intended) is George Orwell's book 1984. In school I read his book Animal Farm because we had to. It was one of those books that I remember most of the class hating while I think I actually liked it. That was probably 15 years ago though, so how great could my memory of that be? At any rate, 1984 is a book which people reference a lot and I just nod along as if I know it well. Why do I do that? Time to fix that by actually reading this literary award winner. Wish me luck!

What about you? Have you read any good books lately?

Bite Me!

2012-02-02T18:25:00.000-06:00

I feel like I woke up ready to tackle the day; ready to blog all about yesterday with vigor. But then Thursday pimp-slapped me in the face and said "Bite me!"

I'm going to go home and wallow; basking the in the crapiness that was my day. Reminding myself that, yes, someone really did say "I'm going to pray for you to find a husband because you need someone to bring discipline to your life." Pondering back over the words that I suck because I'm single and somehow that makes me a failure - as if somehow I'd missed the memo that I was single? I'll possibly spend some time thinking about people who have it really easy, financially, and how many of them have no clue what it's like to be strapped at times; oh, and how not having a brand new car seems more like a status symbol than that of being a wise choice financially.

Today was a day of non-encouraging words. That's always fun, especially when you barely made it through yesterday (which was a normal day to most, but to SOME it may have been the anniversary of when their Mother died). You know just the usual.

I'll dust myself off and stand up again, because that's what I always do.
I'll believe that tomorrow will be a better day - all the while knowing that I'm basically just holding on and waiting for the weekend. Come Saturday I will start regaining my momentum. As for today, not so much.

Thing 6

2012-01-29T15:18:00.003-06:00

Donate to an animal shelter.

Last week as I was in the vestibule of my bank...I am so stoked that I just used the word "vestibule", I can't even focus now THAT'S how proud I am! Okay, maintain. So, last week I saw a poster hanging on the window; normally I'd have passed it by in my daily rush of life but I didn't this time. I've found that doing 52 Things has caused me to be more aware of my surroundings. I'm now more aware of potential things for me to do. Instead of brushing past it, I walked over and had a closer look.

Immediately I phoned a friend and the date was set. How much better does it get donating to an animal shelter AND getting fed to do so?!

After church on Sunday I picked up Mel and we headed over to the dinner. Surrounded by old men and women we sat at a table and enjoyed our spaghetti, salad, bread, cake and soda together all for the small donation of eight bucks! Of course in the rush we didn't have time to go through our things at home and look for potential "stuff" to donate, like blankets, but money is always helpful and even though we have very little of that, we knew it was for a good cause.

With the leftover money that we scraped from our purse linings we bought t-shirts and "eggs". The t-shirt was a given, a symbol of our 52 Things challenge, and it was easy because we knew the money would go to the animals.

The "egg game" was awesome. The shelter had received donations from local businesses and for a dollar you won a prize. It could be anything from hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works to coupons for free food at local eateries. It was anything from samples of pet food to sets of cleaning supplies or candles. It was fantastic! We "donated" and left with LOADS of things; including a free t-shirt prize that I won. Woo hoo! I think my favorite "win" was the dog toys. I won a set of dog toys that look like people food. Beans freakin' LOVES the giant sausage, and Ivy walks around the house carrying this crinkly bag thingy. My cats think they are dogs.

Oh, in other news, and to settle a dispute, I weighed my little monsters....

Beans is a lean tall boy weighing in at 12 pounds 4 ounces.
Ivy is a round little girl weighing in at 11 pounds 2 ounces.
Needless to say, I'm trying to sort out a diet for Ivy, while making sure Beans doesn't lose any weight. Wish me luck with that one.

Thing 5

2012-01-28T23:00:00.002-06:00

Attend something totally small town-ish; a play, a talent show or an Elementary School Christmas program.

Friendship is massively important to me; it always has been and possibly always will be. Blame my Mom, it's her fault, she's the one who named me; my middle name actually means 'Friend'. So in reality, I really had no choice in the matter! All that to say, an old friend of mine has been having a rough go of things lately. She was diagnosed with Lupis back in our teens years (I believe) and now she is on dialysis, has found out that she has a few leaks/holes in her heart (which thankfully aren't concerning to the doctors) and is on the waiting list for a new kidney.

Last week I made it a point to get together with this old friend, as we have intended to for months now. Sometimes you need to just halt the business of life and make it a point to get time with an old friend. There's just something about those friends you had when you were growing up; they knew you at such formative times in life. I always enjoy those friendships. At any rate, we were texting in the morning and managed to squeeze in a dinner date to play catch-up. It was fantastic - other than the hot wings that I got burning the crap out of my lips, but whatevs! Through our chat I found out that her daughter had gotten a role (as an orphan) in a local theatre production of Annie and the final two showings were that weekend.

Of course I called my sidekick in my 52 Things adventure, and of course she was game!

So, on Friday night, when the partying singles go out clubbing and the non-partying singles sit at home watching romantic comedies in their pajamas, we headed out to the theatre.

As with any local theatre production it had that small-town feel. There were kids that didn't completely grasp proper blocking techniques. Adorable little girls that looked like miniature Punky Brewsters. Girls who knew their places so much that if someone tried to upstage them by standing in the wrong spot they'd pull them by the arm and guide them to where they were supposed to be. A real life Sandy who was thee best stage animal that I have ever seen in a live production. And the woman who played Miss. Hannigan? She absolutely stole the show! I'm not kidding you, her voice and theatrics mirrored Bette Midler; she was a riot!

By the time we'd snapped a few pictures and made it out the door both of us were asking ourselves why we didn't do these things more often? We had so much fun and actually had gotten ourselves out of the house on a Friday night. Oh, AND we got to support our friend's little girl in the process - double bonus!

There is something about live theatre that really brings you back. For me I was returned to childhood and reminded of how often we (as a family) were involved in supporting the local arts. It's something I'm ready to return to. I could see myself working on projects around the theatre in days ahead. Chalk up another successful "Thing" that awakened something that has long been asleep in me - the theatre bug!

She's Baaaaack!

2012-01-27T17:20:00.002-06:00

The weekend and week ahead will see me (yet again) messing with my profile. I'm tired of being so clean cut. I need a little funk. The problem I have with my old layout is that I cannot expand it with the changes that blogger has made.

I've got a lot of work to do here, Folks!

***UPDATE***

I'm still self-teaching myself how to adjust html code. I find it fascinating. How frustrating was the opaque writing last time around? I'd post pictures and you'd see the background mixed in with my photos; at times this was cool, at times it was bothersome. I FIXED IT!!!

This is fun but I can't adjust anymore at this time.

Please be patient as I declare my blog:

Cheers to the freakin' weekend!

Thing 4

2012-01-25T14:08:00.000-06:00

Learn calligraphy.

My Mother had the most amazing handwriting I have ever seen. The thorn in that truth also came from the fact that her writing was so unique and definite that it absolutely screwed all of us children when it came to needing her signature; it was impossible to forge. Believe me, I tried. I cherish the things that I still have from my Mother that were hand-written. In fact, years ago I designed a tattoo around her signature. I have no idea what will ever come of the whole tattoo, but I am fairly convinced that at some point I will (at least) get her signature on me. That is another story though.

Perhaps it was part of the artistic flare that came from her side of the family; it seems like most of her siblings excelled in different medias of art, and each of them had unique, legible, and in my opinion beautiful handwriting.

My handwriting bugs me. Every few years I completely change my writing. The only thing that stays the same is my autograph.

When I was very young I remember sitting at the table and coloring as my Mother practiced the art of calligraphy. Hours spent on achieving perfection with each letter. Pages and pages of individual letters filled sketchpads and notebooks. In the end, her perfect cursive became an even more stunning print.

Calligraphy is an art I never mastered. I made attempts through the years but those attempts were just plain lame.

Sitting on my couch, with Beans and Ivy dozing beside me, I taught myself Calligraphy! Thank you, Instructional Booklet from Hobby Lobby!

WARNING: If you are a beginner and are attempting to write something brilliant and beautiful, DO NOT START AT 1AM. Calligraphy-ing(?) in the wee hours of the morning leads to horrid spelling. The word 'definitely' does not contain the letter 'a'. Apparently at that hour of the day, however, it does. I saw that writo (get it? typo/writo? Gah! I'm a nerd.) when I woke up and thought "are you kidding me?" I think I just wanted to write another 'a' because the letters 'a' and 'm' are my favorites to write using the art of Calligraphy.

One more challege met. Yes!

That's about all I have to say about that!

Monday 23

2012-01-23T16:37:00.000-06:00

"Gabe is awesome. He's accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said "yes" to a first date if I didn't have to, but it's been great." -Erin

I love my Office calendar.

Uneventful

2012-01-23T14:33:00.000-06:00

Midway through my week off of facebook I had to 86 it and log-on to be in better touch with family. Even though I only made it almost 5 days with no facebook I still learned a lot. And by a lot, I mean a LOT. I'm still undecided as to my usage of it at this point. It will still be part of my life, but will it be daily, weekly? I'm not sure.

I took a peek at it today, after another 2 or 3 days of easily surviving without it, and I thought to myself "why do I have so many friends on here?" Today I read about 3 status updates that where whiny and complainy about random things and at times I find them funny, or agree with them, but today it just annoyed me. Like, why do I care if you're the healthiest food eater on the planet? You just completely trash talked foods that I love and now I feel like a horrible fatty for no reason. Why did I just willingly subject myself to this by reading the praised and aclaims your other "friends" wrote? I mean, you haven't talked to me in real life in probably over a year! And, and why am I looking at pictures of this couples wedding? I'm not even friends with them but they know a person I know and then all of the sudden I've just looked through about 50 pictures of complete strangers before asking myself "how did I get here?"

Facebook is a strange entity. I now realize that I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love it for communication but I hate it for the same exact thing. Ironic.

At the end of the day, however, I have learned that it is like so many other things and I can live without it. If the time came that I had to shut it down forever, my life would go on. I think testing things in our lives; whether facebook, Internet, Television - you name it, I think it's important. If I become too reliant on things of that nature it's good to have a wake-up call that there IS life outside of these things. There are books, friends, birds, squirrels, sun and snow to hear, feel, touch and see. Although don't touch a squirrel, unless you know it; it could be dangerous. Just sayin'.

At the end of the day, no one missed the crap out of me while I wasn't posting witty status updates. And after a day of re-conditioning myself NOT to involuntarily grab for my phone to post something, I found myself seeking out physical human life forms. Meaning: I become un-self-focused and contacted people personally - even if it was just by text. Sometimes we substitute "likes" for actual conversations. How sad is that?

This social experiment was interesting. It showed me a lot of things and I think I'm better for having done it!

New Year, New Art

2012-01-19T15:25:00.000-06:00

I haven't tackled any of my list in the past few days, which is understandable considering things that are going on at the moment. Last night I enjoyed my favorite Wednesday night programs of Revenge and Criminal Minds. I tell you, that Derek Morgan and that Spencer Reid...when will one of them wake up and realize that they are meant to be with me?

That sketch that I began a few days ago, remember? The one I did the same night I danced, pathetically, to "Thriller". Yeah, that one. Well, I actually started painting on it.

I've been bragging about the shoes that I intend to wear on my wedding day - don't worry, it's not anytime soon; you didn't miss any important announcements! Anyway, I've been talking a lot recently about the shoes I've always planned on wearing. Hint: I'm tall, so I won't be able to wear heels. Regardless, I have had lots of strange reactions to my plan and I've found it humorous almost. In the end, I decided to paint it.

Why paint it? Easy! One of the items on my list is to send a postcard to Postal Secrets. I can explain more about that in a future post. But seeing as this painting was something I wanted as a post card I made the choice to paint it and use it (maybe) for two of my check marks. Only time will tell if any of that happens.

I'll keep you updated. I'm sure it's the highlight of your day - finding out where I am on some random art or writing project. Sure it is. Heh heh heh! Like I said, I'll keep you posted.

The Bachelor and Michael Jackson

2012-01-17T09:22:00.000-06:00

Last night I did a slew of random things. That's how I roll though; random.

I won't list all the boring things, I'll spare you, I'll skip ahead to 7pm and The Bachelor. Yes, once again I find myself rooting for two people to end up together that I don't even know. Ben should pick Clarksville, that's my choice out of the bunch. Her name is really Kasey (sp?) but I call her Clarksville because that is where she's from. It makes sense to me.

During the show I pulled out a blank canvas that I've had at my house for over a year now, and I began sketching on it. I do believe a new painting is in the works. We'll see how that goes.

Lastly, I decided to see how much of the "Thriller" dance I remembered. This is always an important mystery to solve around the midnight hour, when you should be in bed. It wasn't pretty. Don't get me wrong, it was hilarious but it was in no way pretty. I am so out of shape. I really need to fix that. I mean, if I can no longer do the "Thriller" dance, what purpose do I possibly serve?

*sigh*

Yes, I'm kidding. Partially.

By my next birthday I had better be able to do that dance again.

Thing 3

2012-01-16T15:19:00.000-06:00

Make a snow angel in my pjs.

Last Thursday night was our first "big" snow of the season. Two months from now a snow like that one will be child's play; lame and not a big deal. But seeing as it's mid-January and we're just now seeing white on the ground, it's pretty exciting.

After a long day at work, I had safely made it home in the storm and parked myself in for the night. I ate dinner and bundled up in preparation for shoveling the sidewalks. After spending enough time huffing and puffing outdoors, the walkways were cleared and I locked myself in the house to thaw out. A bath sounded perfect right then. So that is precisely what I did; I drew an incredibly hot bath and plopped myself in, melting back to room temperature.

About an hour later, there I was on the couch; every muscle in my body relaxed and ready for bed. Glancing over to my left I noticed that my phone was lit up. Text messages from Mel. Picture messages. One by one pictures of her in her pjs gearing up and heading outside flooded my screen until finally I "got" it. She had made a snow angel in her pjs! One more "thing" done! DANGIT!

I was SO relaxed! And WARM.

Me: I just took a bath and am all relaxed.
Mel: It's the first snow! I JUST TOOK A BATH TOO!!!!
Me: Dangit!

At spas you pay big money to go from hot to cold. Here in WI, you go from your bathroom to your front yard!

Here it is, #79 on our list; my third "thing"...

... DONE!

A few words from the wise(er):

tie your hair back. My long hair froze solid/stiff. It was pretty comical.
have a fried take your picture, it's very difficult to get decent pictures of yourself in a FLATTERING manner, while making an angel...
Live life and ENJOY it! Do things that force yourself to look stupid once in awhile!

(You can imagine how awesome I found it that a police car was in the background of this shot!)

It's Hitting Me Already...

2012-01-13T11:48:00.000-06:00

My blog background is boring me. [yawns] I miss my funky girl. I have this looming feeling that she will return. In fact, truth be told, after I got rid of her I spent an hour looking for her again. I found her and when I did it was like a piece of home. That background makes me think of my blog. It's happy thoughts. I think when she returns I will just have to do a bunch more html coding and tweaking before I am totally happy. Seriously, this happens every time.

I may try on a few more outfits before I totally commit. I'm a girl. It's my right.

I need color. If not bright splashes, I at least need pinks and black. Man, way back in the day I had thee most awesome xanga background. I changed it, lost it, and still miss it. I don't even use xanga anymore. I don't even think that I know what email address I used or my password for it.

Let's try it out! Please sit tight while I attempt to find my old blog....

Dude, this is awesome: "Hi stopdropandrollyo! It's been 2429 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... Please support us by joining Xanga Premium."

Apparently I left the xanga world a few weeks after my Mom passed away. It seems like yesterday that my Mom died, yet an eternity since I've looked at Xanga. Strange.

Well, here she is; my xanga. I actually remembered my name AND password. Jeepers, I had a ton of privacy settings on that beezy. I think you should be able to see it though, I'm pretty sure it's public now.

http://stopdropandrollyo.xanga.com/

Wow, blast from the past; I spent an unbelievable amount of time on that website. That was before facebook dominated my time online. Things were so much more simple in those days... kidding!

Another fun fact: I started xanga right after my friend Pam passed away. Seems like a big death in my life has twice now brought me down a new blogging road. Interesting. Let's find something else interesting. How about an old post from a younger me:

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

GO BO BICE!
If stupid Carrie wins American Idol - I'll be pissed.
Only a little over a month till I move. I can't wait! I am soo over living above my stupid drug dealing neighbors. Other than them, I love my apartment.
Random. I'm absolutely random today.
Toilet paper.

How ironic that I just mentioned needing pinks and blacks on my background - if it's not the girl. My xanga is exactly that! Creature of habit, that's what I am.

HA! Thursday June 9, 2005 went a little like this: Michael (Jackson) is innocent! and Tom Cruise is molesting Katie Holmes! LET GO OF HER!!!!! RUN, KATIE....RUN!

Time to eat some chicken wings and drink some soda. Good times. Good. Times.

Thing 2 - My Sunday Drive

2012-01-12T13:51:00.000-06:00

Take a drive with no directions or plans; leave the city, travel to a new place and dine at a new restaurant.

Done!

Saturdays are my Sundays. To most of society Sunday is a day of rest. Not the case with me. But when have I ever been known to conform to society's rules? Saturdays are typically my free days; I do things around the house and for the most part lay pretty low. Sundays fill up quicker then I have time to process it. More often than not I have Sundays that consist of me teaching Sunday School, rushing home to eat lunch, maybe a football game thrown in there, transcribing a CD from a meeting (which takes about 2-3 hrs sometimes), maybe a quick snack and then off to work - where I have been known to be until 2am on some occasions. Needless to say, Sundays are pretty much my most rush-rush/busy-busy days of the week.

This past Sunday was an unexpected surprise for me.
      I didn't teach Sunday School.
            I didn't have to transcribe.
                  The Packers had a bye week,
                        and I didn't have to work. Holy crap!

I hopped into the car after church, made a few calls to people and then decided that hey, this is the perfect day for me to tackle one of my road-trip oriented "things". And that is exactly what I did! My sister was in migraine-town, so she gladly lent me her car and I headed on my way out of my city. Stopping first at my house, of course, to kiss the kiddos good-bye, feed Miss Gassy Pants, tell Mr. Man he was in charge till I got home; grab my ipod, garmin and a can of cherry Pepsi and then I hit the road, Jack!

Let me tell you, there is just something about a Sunday drive that makes me all happy and giddy. It's not weird for me to sing and bounce around while I'm driving by myself usually, but on this day I was even more carefree. I could feel people looking at me as they passed by and I didn't even give a rip. I was 'Ridin' Solo' with Jason Derulo and I didn't care who knew about it.

When you take the time to explore your backyard it is amazing what you will find. There are so many places (very close by me) that have that "small town" feel to them, and are really cool. The thing about it is that I have never really cared to check them out. Completely my loss! And I learned that full well on my drive.

About an hour and a half later it was time to eat. My stomach wasn't havin' it anymore, it needed fuel. The car coasted down the road until it dead end stopped (pun intended) at a massive cemetery. Of course I had to investigate it. And I am thrilled that I took the time to do so. It was amazing.

There is something about cemeteries that has always called to me. Not in a weird 'goth' sort of way. But in a peaceful way. Often times I've taken strolls, paused to write, taken pictures, or just spent a lot of free time in random cemeteries. There is something eerie and peaceful about them, both at the same time. I enjoy it. And every time I enter one and walk among the dead, I say to myself a verse from the Bible, 'Death is the destiny of every man, the living take this to heart.' There is something sobering about it. Something that immediately puts life and our 'trials' into perspective.

I also find it a fun little game to search for the oldest gravestones...

Back to being hungry. So, back in the car I circled around, found a main street and ended up in Delavan, WI. Home of Barnum and Bailey? I'm not sure, but there definitely was a LOT of circus stuff throughout the brick laid streets. And that is where I found my restaurant, perfectly named the 'Brick House'.

Camera in hand I walked inside and sat at the bar. Mr. Bartender greeted me and asked for my drink order. I was caught off guard and ordered a Pepsi. Hardcore drinker right? I know. As he turned away I noticed he was sporting a jersey, number 80 from the Packers. 80 = Donald Driver. Donald Driver = my boo. I knew this was the right place.

And there I sat...

There were several things that I realized on my frolic into new territory. I even wrote a few of them down on a random receipt somewhere. They went kind of like this:

For as brave and adventuresome as I am, I am too intimidated to ask for a frickin' menu.

Fact. It took me about 20 minutes to muster up the courage to ask for a menu. A menu! Everyone there was local and knew what they were doing. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. The only reason I asked for one was so that I could fulfill a "thing". Pathetic, Heidi.

At 32 years of age I learned what Happy Hour is.

I'm not unfamiliar with bars, I just...it's not my life. I always thought Happy Hour meant that drinks were cheaper. People, I worked at a bar, running Karaoke, for over a year...and I guess I never really investigated what it meant. All that to say, I filled my belly with Pepsi and by the time I ordered my meal I needed a drink. Wild Child that I am I ordered a hard lemonade. Slammed the crap out of it with my food. Could I leave? No. Bam, Happy Hour means your next drink is free. Before I could breathe the white Donald Driver had another beverage in front of my face.

Harmless people can be terrifying.

Sat at a bar, with locals who were extremely nice...I couldn't muster up the courage to take out my camera and snap a photo of my plate. Yes, I was a sissy girl. Had I have been sat at a table, this wouldn't have been an issue for me. But what kind of loser sits by herself at a bar and takes photos of her plate? <-- I couldn't stop asking myself that question!

There are other notes I jotted down, none of which I can remember right now, so instead I will list more highlights:

- Delavan, WI has some really great places to be seen and photographed. It requires more visits for sure.

- Taking photos of myself by setting the timer on the camera can be incredibly fun. Especially when the locals are watching you and wondering what the heck you've been smoking - because how could taking a picture of yourself across the street from a bar and grill possibly be worth it? And why on earth would you be soooo overly excited about it. Weirdo.

- 'Brick House' is a fantastic bar and grill. It's new. It's clean. The food was fantastic - some of the best french fries I've ever had in my life! And, they have huge plasma TVs all over the place, so I actually got to watch almost half of the Broncos/Steelers playoff game.

- Sunsets in the Midwest are made so much more thrilling when the moon is large over the horizon. My ride back Eastward was gorgeous. So much, in fact, that I stopped on the shoulders of several different Highways simply to take pictures.

My adventure was well worth it.

Have you ever gotten in a car and just gone wherever the road leads you?

Thing 1

2012-01-11T12:56:00.000-06:00

Send a thank-you card to a military member overseas for their service.

Photo by Ken Jarecke

The Persian Gulf War started when I was 10 years old. Almost one year later, Operation Desert Storm began. At only ten years old I watched as my Brother's friends went off to war. His peers had reached the age where serving our Country and going into battle became no longer just the games that were played on the local playgrounds and backyards, they had now became real life. As a fourth/fifth grader I learned about how quickly life can change. My Brother's cute friend (who looked like he could have joined any number of 80s hair bands) who had spent many nights crashing on the couch in our house, eating our cereal, and putting up with a 10 year olds obsession with him, was now on his way to fight for our freedoms.

All my brain understood was that his life was in danger, and he was living in the desert now.

I often times look back, through my grown-up eyes, and realize how lucky I was to have the Mother that I had. She changed me and shaped so much of who I would grow to become. As young men and women shipped out to fight and die, she took her children and made a difference; beginning at home.

Our school tied ribbons on the fences in honor of soldiers away at battle. My Mom went out and bought ribbon and made tiny ribbon pins for our family and friends to wear, daily, on our clothing, backpacks, purses and jackets. The tree in our front yard was lovingly wrapped in a giant yellow bow.

In school I learned about Saudi Arabia, chemical gas masks, bombs, deaths, and the fight. At home, my Mom had us all write letters.

My Mother came from a generation that was very familiar with the impact of War. Her response was to do what little she could to bring a sense of home to someone far away. So, at age 10 I wrote my first letter to "Any Soldier", and to Mike, my Brother's friend.

Mike was faithful to write me regularly and even now, 21 years later, I am friends with him on facebook. Other soldiers wrote for awhile and then faded. Some never responded. A few wrote for several years after they'd made it home to their families. Whether they wrote or not, I always pictured in my mind that one lonely soldier who rarely, or never, received mail. At mail call I saw them watch as other people got care-packages from home, pictures of loved ones, and letters, never expecting anything. And then, one day it changes, the superior officer hands them a letter; addressed to "Any Soldier". For a moment the concerns and worries of their daily life and survival fade away, as they breathe in the hope of "home". To this day that thought is heart-warming to me.

September 11, 2001 changed American History by shaking the very ground that we had always felt secure on. I have no doubt that each of us can recall specifics events of that day as the nation watched things unfold before our unsure eyes. In 2001 we invaded Iraq. Once again our loved ones were thrust into the front lines of battle.

In the early 2000s I became a "Soldiers Angel", a member of a group committed to sending care packages and letters to soldiers at war. I also joined the Presidential Prayer Team, organized by President George Bush. As member I received several "soldiers" and their "details" as I committed to pray for them daily. Somewhere in the early 2000s I found the "Any Soldier" organization. I sent out several letters, with little expectation to hear back from someone. Eventually, a letter came from a man named Michael. I wrote him for many years, impressed by the advancement of technology. Often times we emailed. I'd keep him updated on games and scores and things back home, and he'd tell me about his wife, and his baby that was on the way. Michael and I stayed in touch once or twice a year up until a little over a year ago. My soldier made it home, safe and sound.

"Why haven't I written any soldiers more recently?", I asked myself a few weeks back. And, finding no legitimate excuse, I determined in my mind that it was time. One of my "things" was to write a soldier and thank them for their service. So that is what I did. Last week I mailed out my letter, hopeful to hear back from someone, but prepared not to. Messy writing and all, I did it, and it's out there. I wonder who SGT Vincent Montoya will hand it to. It doesn't really matter, I just hope it puts a smile on his or her face - if even just for a moment.

If you are at all interested in writing to "Any Soldier", I'd recommend beginning at this website: http://anysoldier.com/ follow the instructions and choose the route you'd like to take. Your simple "thank you" could mean the world to a woman or man who may be far from home.

Also, you don't need to take a picture of yourself with zit cream under your lower lip, no make-up on, and greasy hair as proof for your blog. So, double bonus for you!

52 Things for 2012

2012-01-10T10:27:00.000-06:00

I'm not one for "New Years Resolutions". To me they are lofty, and somewhat unattainable, goals designed simply to mess you up. They set you up to fail. "52 Things" is something I'd like to do to beat those New Years pressures, yet allow a little fun into my everyday (read: mundane) life.

It's the challenge of a short-term, year long, "Bucket List" of sorts.

52, is the number of weeks in one year.

52, is the number of challenges I'd like to dominant, document and be proud of.

I didn't want to embark on this list on my own, so I invited my friend Mel to join me. Asking her was way easier than I thought, she actually got just as excited about it as I was! And so we set out to make a combined list of "things". The month of December we brainstormed and then, by the beginning of January, we had our final list of the items we can choose from throughout this year. All in all I believe we have over 120 challenges on the list. And they are, by nature, attainable! What's more encouraging than that? I mean, sure, I could stand to lose at least 50 lbs right now, but why put pressure on myself to do it - only to be disappointed if I don't? I don't operate that way. When I decide to go for it, I will. Until then, I refuse to become a person to yo-yo diets or works out. I'm just not wired that way. But, if I do decide (randomly) to make wiser choices and drop weight - bonus! If not, well, there's just more of me to love. *smiles*

This isn't meant to create pressure. If a week goes by where we cross absolutely nothing off our or lists, well, do extra another week. Or, wait till the last day and do "52 Things" all at once! Who cares?

I entered 2012, yet again, single. Big surprise to my followers right? I had the choice to be like Bridget Jones and sing 'All By Myself' while eating ice cream and crying like a sissy girl, or take a stand, dust myself off, and....live. I chose the latter. I refuse to let my status in life dictate who I am. It may dictate who I am to 'other' people, but that's on them, not me. If it bothers other people that I'm not married, it doesn't have to bother me. I want Mr. Right to fall in love with the real me; the adventurous, fun-loving, hilarious, and unbridled me. Not some chick who sits home feeling sorry for herself. Not that I was that way anyway, that's not the point, but you know what I mean?

2012 is a year for adventures for this girl. A year of making fun of life, having fun with life, and enjoying the ups and downs life carries. I can't afford to take vacations - I've never actually had a *real* vacation anyway, but I can afford to find out how to squeeze excitement out of the little that I do have.

What about you? Do you have any goals for this year that you are looking forward to? Any books that have been sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Change is good

2012-01-09T16:52:00.000-06:00

*supposedly*

I have done enough "changing" to my blog for one day. 2012 has brought with it the determination in me to "clean house", so to speak, and I have begun by changing my blog. I feel like a girl who has been playing with her Mom's makeup; my face was full of a mess colors and emotions and then...I washed it all off. It was actually sort of sad for me to say farewell to my old layout. Those of you that have been around for awhile know that I have been really attached to it for several years now. Well, today I said good bye. And much like a dramatic 'bon voyage' on the last day of school, I took a picture to remember it by.

I still love the picture, but there is something very 'emo' about it; something that speaks of sadness and darkness. Ironically, that's never what I saw in the picture. I saw a young girl who was herself. And that young girl was looking out over the city/world at what lays ahead in life - with hope. But that all changed recently.

Viewing my blog from a fresh set of eyes I came to realize that it may give off a more troubled feel; a feel which is the exact opposite of me. I'm a determined person; sure of who I am and where I stand. What I love about the picture is that I am that girl (in a sense), looking at the world with hope, faith, and a little dab of child-like imagination. But none of that changes how others could view it, and in my heart I know it is time to move on. *cue the break-up music*

fade to black... END SCENE

It was a tear jerker there for a moment wasn't it?
Carry on. Let it out.

Now, get yourself a tissue and clean up your face. It's hard to read when you're all emotional like you are. C'mon, get it together because now comes the happy bit:

[from a black screen the sun begins to rise. birds flutter about and happy music follows suit.]

With faith I look forward to the road ahead. I press on, quite like I did in Jr. High; when my Mom visited school and caught me in the hallway with black cherry lipstick on and I realized that it was time to grow up. I washed it off, not because I was in trouble; I honestly don't even believe that my Mom ever said anything about my horrific "expressive" makeup, rather, I recall it as a moment where I felt just a little silly, and therfore I made the decision to grow up. It's time. It's time for a fresh start. It is time to wash off the technicolor dream coat and begin anew.

Cheers to new beginnings in your lives this year!

Now, let's hope I find a background that I don't hate in two days and have to change... and change... and change again. 'Cause I am definitely that girl.

Today May be THE Day

2012-01-09T11:35:00.001-06:00

To change my blog for 2012.

Wish me luck.

New Year, New Blog?

2012-01-02T12:11:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

With all that has been going on...
With all that will be coming up in this new year...
And with all of the stupid new security things on this blog site...

... I may need to create a new blogger.

I know, I know, it's sad.
But I'm not leaving. Per-say.
And who knows if I will really actually do it.

The problem is that my old email account was randomly shut down.
As in, adios, see-ya, peace out!
It was my "whatever" account. It was the account I used to set up lots of "things" because I never actually had to check it. Therefore I avoided all the update-emails overload. It was the email address that I used to start this blog, and the blogs that paved the way before this one. It was a brilliant plan, until gmail decided to 86 my Mom's account, therefore zapping mine into oblivion as well. Therein lays the problem, at some point blogspot is going to require me to "confirm" my email account. And when that day comes, I'm screwed.

All of that to say, with my new plans for the new year, perhaps it's time to start over? Begin anew?

Thoughts?

IT IS FINISHED!

2011-11-29T10:57:00.000-06:00

Finished. Started. Same difference when it comes to writing. I find that a huge mountain is dominated and conquered when all of my hours and hours, days and weeks, of writing are finally complete and I find myself sitting in front of a completed work. Finished.

After the victory lap around the city....okay, it's more like a victory nap but let's not be technical about it, the truth sinks in. This "finish" is actually just the "start". See, now I have something to work on. Now I have what could potentially be a load of crap, ready to sift through, weed out, pluck apart, and rebuild into something that is of substance and worth.

That, my friends, is where I am.

Last year, 'Lily of the Valley' was placed on a shelf. It still sits there to this day. Perhaps many years from now she will be dusted off and rewritten. This creation is different. It's my baby. This isn't a novel, per-say. Well, no, it's not per-say at all, it's totally not a novel. I was a rebel. This book is my Memoir. Witty. Comical. And the dead-straight truth. Self-deprecating humor and all. All the way from busting my face open the day before 3rd grade pictures, to breaking my sister's ribs trying to "fly her" when we were in our twenties. The good. The bad. The ugly. It's all there.

Now I just have to rework it!

Another NANOWRIMO Underway...

2011-11-17T16:54:00.000-06:00

Failing to update you on my amazing weekend away, I have stopped in to say a quick 'hello' to my dear friends.

HELLO!

I'm knee deep in procrastinating guilt at my lack of writing thus far this November. Life has kept me busy indeed. I'm now 6,000 words into my month. At this point I *should* be crossing word 28,339 off my board. Crap!

Rest assured that I am thinking about my blogging shortcomings and wishing that I had time to type more, but I simply do not!

I leave you with these small tidbits of life:

- half and half can be subbed for "heavy cream" in recipes.

- gas prices are going up and I am extremely poor

- I had mini corn dogs for dinner last night, and I love it.

- Learning lessons is something I fail at, seeing as TWICE this week alone I've been caught singing (rather loudly) by my neighbor.

- The shop vac I want is $37.99 at True Value. I cannot afford that. The nice lady there told me it's $19.99 on sale the week after Thanksgiving. Holler!

- The lady at Walgreens always makes me smile. When I walk in she's always like, " HAAAAY GIRL!" I spelled 'hey' with an 'a' to give you full affect.

- Is is 'affect' or 'effect'? Flippin' heck, I will NEVER learn the difference between the two!

- I watched a tutorial on how to do 60s still bridal (hair) buns. It may be my "new" hairstyle. We'll see.

- A friend is crashing on my couch for the next two nights.

- Beans is adorable as ever.

- Ivy is a feisty little talkfest, but she's super cuddly at night and I love that.

- The nights are coming faster these days.

- I ran out of chap stick the other day, so I used olive oil.

I guess that's it! My brain shut off. I hope it kicks back on in a bit. I need to get my word count up!
Three of the previous four sentences began with the word "I". Man, "I" must be full of myself!

A New Week(end) A New Adventure

2011-10-26T12:10:00.000-05:00

My sister and I joined two of our Aunt's, an extended Cousin, and a friend at a cabin "Up North" this past weekend. We had a great time - and a great adventure. I've been so excited to blog about it but I cannot find "the picture" that I have in my mind that I want to post. Maybe I'll never find it. I will, however, tell you about our trip!

Stay tuned...

I miss alot when I'm gone...

2011-10-18T15:54:00.000-05:00

from blogger that is.

Shtuff

2011-09-02T13:09:00.000-05:00

I logged on to Blogger to write something amazing.
I ended up getting distracted by updates from friends about their adventures; coupled with beautiful pictures of their babies and daily lives. In short, total distraction.

I cut my own bangs last night. Feeling adventurous I googled "how to cut your own bangs" and then I went and did it. Success. I mean, I like them anyway.

Also, my baby girl has been "fixed".
Now she lounges around waiting for her repairs to heal.

Admit it, she's freaking adorable. She can't help it, she was made that way.

Happy Labor Day Weekend, Friends! I'm suffering from poor-dom, so my plans are to remain at home watching "Sex and the City" and writing Saturday and Monday. Sunday I will emerge from my caccoon for church and work but that's about it.

Any fun "goings on" in your life this holiday break?

Weeds

2011-08-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

This week is weed-mania; the legal sort. Although, in my opinion I wish yard weeds were actually illegal. Meaning: government, take care of my weeds. Ha! Yeah right.

My yard has become what an abandoned field looks like after rainy mornings followed by blaringly bright and sunny afternoons. My yard, to an old retired person who meticulously cares for their property, is hell. Seriously, it's gone from bad to worse. Last night, however, that all changed.

Strapping on my railroad bibs, which are horrendously unflattering to my naturally sexy body (as if!), I set out to conquer and reclaim the land behind my abode. After almost two hours of sweat, mosquito bites and dirt flinging, I'd say I'm about 70% done. And at that point the last thing I felt like doing was bagging up all my weedy carcasses. So I left them till today, when I'd return to tackle more. Only, it has rained all, day, long. Awesome.

Way to go, me! I left my yard with about 7 or so piles of yard waste, broken lights left by the former tenant, an old Christmas tree left by the landlord the Christmas before last, a water-killed and warped/broken wooden kitchen chair, and...need I go on? All in all, my backyard was left looking like a small tornado had passed through. That was all find and dandy, when I thought I'd be picking it up tonight. Fat chance that's going to go as planned!

I still feel a small bit of pride welling in my inner-most being. A sense of happiness instead of shame when thinking about my yard. I realize that I feel more comfortable leaving my house without makeup and looking absolutely dreadful than I do with the thought of other's seeing my weed-infested yard!

Still Not Dead

2011-08-11T11:55:00.000-05:00

Back to the blog and life still goes on...

What do I mean by that? Well, for starters, I woke up yesterday morning to a flat tire and the inevitable fact that I was going to be late to work. Grrreat. That's awesome. So, I get ready, go outside and investigate my once inflated rubber wheel. Sliced. My tire was slashed. Are you joking me right now?

Why am I not on TV?

Why isn't my life a reality show?

Like I always say; 'Someone is missing out on making a LOT of money off of my life.' I know I am! Missing out on making money, that is!

So, little old me - broke as all get out - gets her tire slashed. Glad I have less than NO money to get that fixed.

In the end, facebook and my sister saved me, and friends and family jumped it to rescue. Today I have a new (used) tire and am back in action. Now, if only some rich person felt the urge to give me a large lump sum of cash... that would be fabulous.

Not Dead

2011-08-08T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm alive. I'm alive and writing.

I'm attempting Camp Nanowrimo this month. That should say it all.

I'm also reading another Jan Lancaster book: "Bright Lights; Big Ass".

Oh, also, I'm working about 60 hours this week.

Sound fun yet?

*raises glass....er....AMP can* CHEERS!

Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

2011-07-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a whirlwind time, literally.

Last Thursday night I found myself driving to meet some friends about a half hour North of my home. I hadn't heard any news of a storm brewing, but I knew that my enjoyment of the 60 degree weather was to be short-lived, as tomorrow there would be a heat index of 109, yikes! For the moment I was cruising in my car, listening to the radio while enjoying the breeze with my windows down.

About halfway there, I saw the most amazing cloud-line rolling in on me. I just thought it looked pretty cool, to be honest. So, I pulled my car over and snapped a picture on my less than awesome phone, before continuing on my merry little way.

About a mile and a half down the road, the storm was upon me. I could tell that the lightning was over the lake - and it was the most powerful lightning I'd ever seen! But the storm, that was a different story, I felt like I was in the eye of it. I wasn't scared though, which thinking back was kind of weird. I guess in the back of my mind I've been trained that everything will be okay, unless there are tornado sirens blaring - that's when you really have to worry, right?

Meanwhile, my car is crunching hideously over hundreds of tree branches, twigs and leaves that in a moment appeared on the roadway. Still I drove onward, unaware of the actual power of the storm I was in. Three mature trees, THREE, fell around me or in front of me on my way. Even STILL I drove on.

The storm had knocked out power in the building where my friends were waiting for me. We met in the dark, using our cell phones when we needed light. By the time we'd finished, about an hour later, we walked outside, said our goodbyes and headed homeward.

I'd missed two calls from my childhood best friend who lives out in the County, approximately 45 min from my house by car. A frantic Amie answered her phone and asked me if my Dad was okay. Apparently a tornado went through the neighborhood where our Dad's still live. Her Dad had lost half of the shingling from his roof, and he told her of the funnel cloud that barreled over his head as the storm passed through. Worried beyond belief by this time, I hung up with my friend and called my Dad.

Thankfully he has a cell phone, as the power was knocked out. He was fine, the house was fine, and all the animals were fine. He'd walked outside when the "phenomenon" occurred and it had physically pulled him off the porch and down his front steps. He recalled it feeling as though he was being sand blasted, but thankfully he was unharmed. The neighborhood was pitch black, apart from the rescue vehicles that peppered the city.

I sped back to town. I called one of my friends, Lindsay, who I had just left and asked her to pray with me, for my house and my beloved cat, Beans. In my front yard stand two gigantic pine trees and I dreaded coming home to find my house crushed and my cat missing. Beans is an indoor cat and the thought of him getting out panicked me, like a human falling through ice and not being able to find the entry point. I had no idea the devastation I might witness. As Linds prayed for me, immediately a peace settled over my heart and I sped onward.

My cute little gingerbread house was unharmed. Unfortunately I could not see a thing; the light from my dying cell phone was just enough for my to locate my groggy cat, throw him in the kennel, and head over to my Dad's house. I spent the night there. No power. Little sleep. A lot of walking around and surveying the damage.

Trees down.

Power lines down.

We came across the scene of an accident where a tree crashed onto a motorcycle rider, killing him instantly. I found out the following day that he was a friend of mine from school. He was trying to get home to his wife and children when the unexpected (still undefined) storm took place. He was two blocks from his wife and three daughters when he died.

The following day, Friday, I went on a walk through the park that rests between my Dad's house and my best friend's childhood home. The force of the storm was evident:

Tree after tree, uprooted. Trees on houses. Felled trees on power lines...

Root systems yanked out as though they were small weeds; leaving behind holes that were upwards of 6 feet deep and around!

Trees that lined the ball field by my childhood home were now laying over fences, streets, and homes.

Because there was no warning, no one was prepared. My cousin was actually in the park playing softball and he watched instantaneously as the sand kicked up and all at once the trees fell around him.

The destruction came from the same storm that I thought was going to flip over my car as it blasted me with debris moments before doing this!

You never realize how much you depend on electricity until it is gone. My fridge was filled with food from my Dad and Sister's un-powered refrigerator. My Dad, who has sleep apnea was up for a full day before going to my house with his machine. Thursday night the power went out. By Friday morning mine had returned. My Sister, my Dad, and two of my sister's cats moved in with me until they regained power. My Dad had my bed, and Laura and I shared the futon. Thank God I had air conditioning: did you forget how I mentioned earlier that the heat was to get up in the hundreds? How miserable!

My Dad's power wasn't restored till 6pm on Saturday; almost 48 hrs later.

They still are calling this "event" a "windstorm". I don't buy it. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen or experienced. I'm thankful for the friends and family that remained safe in the middle of a completely unanticipated event. Most people I have spoken with were actually outside at the time, caught in the eye of what is being referred to as the worst storm over Lake Michigan that's ever been recorded.

A storm with no rain. Isn't that crazy?

A New Month is on its Way

2011-06-29T16:02:00.000-05:00

...and with it comes a new book!

It seems like it was just yesterday that I learned about NANOWRIMO and accepted the challenge. Yet seven months ago tomorrow I sat feverishly typing at my desk, trying my darnedest to get to the 50,000 finish-line!

This week I will physically feel the reward for my victory; a proof copy of my first novel.

This is a big deal for a writer. This book will more than likely never see the light of day after this, but still, it's my first. You never forget your first. It shall sit upon my shelf, possibly next to a fellow blogger who is now penning his 2nd memoir for Harper and Collins. Who knows, perhaps I'll be next?

As for now, I wait for my book to arrive. Like a child waiting for Christmas, so will I be like, sitting on my couch, peeking out my curtains as I anxiously await the mailman's arrival on Friday. How exciting it will be to unwrap and hold in my hands the fruit of my labour.

And with the arrival of my proof, 'Lily of the Valley' will be set in a place of prominence in my house; easily seen by me as a reminder to keep pursuing my dream of being a published author. As one book temporarily closes, I stretch my fingers, sharpen my pencils, line up my notebooks, and prepare for my next book. I already have the title and about half of the plan in my brain. Finally I will have the time to sit down and focus whole-heartily on my next endeavour. I can hardly wait!

Blogger Hates Me!

2011-06-01T15:32:00.000-05:00

I'm not even sure if this will post, as Blogger and the Internet world at large seems to hate me.

Hello Friends! I'm still alive - still writing, eating, reading and being sarcastic. I assure you, I am still very much alive and kickin'! Through a weird twist of fate the email address that I use for this blog has been shut down. No reason given at all. I only found out through a series of events, as it is my least used email account. At any rate, blogger now wants me to prove it's my email address, which I cannot because it's gone! On top of that, to change my email address for my blog, I must first verify that I am in fact myself...through an email, you guessed it, sent to my OLD ACCOUNT!

It is a headache that I have not even been able to *begin* to address because my intro to the summer months has been an incredibly busy one! Hopefully in the weeks ahead I will have time to sort this all out and return to posts as normal.

I randomly was allowed 'on' today, so I hope this posts. I feared that perhaps you felt abandoned.

I am here. Everything will be OK.

So, how've you been?

Reapperance!

2011-03-25T13:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I vanish for a week or so, usually due to the pullings of "real life".

A week ago I had to put my baby, Areba, to sleep. Areba was my cat; my sweetheart, my comfort, my friend. I got Areba when she was a baby and I was a mere 12 years old. She had a long life and just months away from her 19th birthday, she let me know that it was time for her to go. I held her in my arms, stroked her beautiful fur, kissed her face and told her how much I loved her as the vet injected her and she passed away in my arms. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I miss her more than I can say.

Ever since Areba left, Beans (my 9 month old kitten) has been a terror. It's been a roller coaster of emotions in my house and with Spring coming the "cleaning" bug has hit. In it all, I'm here, friends! I haven't forgetten you!

I hope you're all well!

Just Another Film

2011-03-08T12:42:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday I froze my butt off while being the on set photographer for my cousin's hubby's next movie. On that day he had aquired full access of a building in town that I have been in love with for YEARS. I never thought I'd be able to get in there again. Since my first walkthrough of it, about four years ago, I've always hoped that one day I'd get to go in and snap some pictures. So when he asked if I was in, OF COURSE I said YES!

Here are a few pictures from inside the run-down theatre and of his film 'Ashley' that is now in production:
(click on the pictures if you'd like a better view of them)

It took me a nap under 2 blankets and a long hot shower to thaw out, but it was well worth it!

Random Friday Facts

2011-02-18T14:50:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of things about each of us that are very unique. ‘Unique’ is meant in a good way, friends. If I was saying there are things about each of us that are weird, well, I’d take the cake for the ‘weird’ category!

It’s Friday (an ‘odd’ not ‘even’ day – don’t ask) and I’m feeling a little reflective. I think I will vent some oddities about myself.

• Baby Ruth, never tried one.

• I like odd numbers, not evens.

• Days of the week associate with odd or even for me, and the order makes no sense. Also, they are subject to change whenever. However, Tuesdays are always ‘even’ days; Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays are always ‘odd’ days.

• If a penny is laying on the ground tails up, I will never pick it up. If a penny is laying on the ground heads up, I will go out of my way to pick it up.

• I have never been on a proper roller coaster.

• I like the taste of nacho cheese Doritos just moments after eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup.

• I write fan letters to celebrities. I use children’s handwriting because it ups the odds that I’ll get an autograph in return.

• When staying at hotels I will take all things that are ‘free’. It’s the first thing that I do. I rarely ever use them while actually ‘in’ the hotel.

• I can’t wait to kiss someone in the rain. I think it’s pretty romantic. Maybe it’s just me though, I have a thing for walking in the rain and splashing in puddles.

• I have never stolen anything from a store before, although a couple of years ago I bought a piece of luggage that I loved but was way overpriced. I subsequently returned said item but I kept the tag. I now have a fancy luggage tag on my crappy suitcase that every time I see it reminds me of my evil deed.

• Many of my coworkers hunt; deer, buffalo, elk, you name it they hunt it. I think the idea of eating deer is disgusting. Yes, I know that this makes no rational sense. I am a meat and potatoes girl but the thought of deer…I mean…it’s BAMBI! Anyway, after much teasing, I tried some stew this week that was made with deer meat. I tried it in front of all the guys that tease me. I ate it, and I said I will still never eat deer meat again.

• I often find it funny when married Mom’s with 2,3,4 plus children complain that single people have it so much easier. Hmm. Who put a gun to your head and made you keep making babies, sunshine? The grass is always greener.

• So many people lack imagination. I am drawn to people who can tap in to their inner child and still make-believe.

• I don’t like mushrooms or tomatoes. I do love ketchup and salsa though – but don’t try to tell me that I should like tomatoes because of this, ‘cause you’d be mistaken.

• When I was little I used to be up the boys that lived on my block. I didn’t do it because I was butch or a tomboy, I did it because I was older. I made them pay my friend Amie and I fees sometimes to be in our club. Those fees went straight to candy bars for Amie and I.

• Still to this day when I put stuffed animals into plastic bags I make sure that they will be able to get fresh air to breathe.

• My hair is growing out of the last hair dye job that I did. The red was supposed to wash out over a month ago. It has not. I’m in a wedding in June and I have no idea what I want to do with it.

• I am wearing camouflage today. You cannot see me.

There Are No Short Cuts

2011-02-17T16:19:00.000-06:00

“In our quick to fix society that aims for immediate gratification, many people think self discipline means suffering and self denial. Today, many are looking for that short cut in life. Yes we have become a quick to fix society, a “now” society. I want it now, what I see on TV because tomorrow is too late. If it feels good, I’ll try it, relief is just a swallow away. Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.” - Herb Brooks

My generation was a transitioned one between tough-love and spoon-fed. I had friends who worked very hard for their money and used it wisely; I also had friends who received a car the moment they got their license to drive. And I’m not talking a hand-me-down car, I’m talking brand new, off the lot, foreign import cars here and they took it for granted from the get go.

I was front row center to watch how the younger generation saw a transfer of ‘sportsmanship’ and ‘mindsets’ that although presented as “good” and “fair” turned out to produce whiny adults that believe everything should cater to and revolve around them. When I was in grade school I competed in track and field days with the entirety of my grade level – every year. If you didn’t place, you didn’t take a ribbon home. I shelter myself from the inevitable items that may be thrown my way from this next statement, but…there were winners and there were [gulp] losers!

That’s right, I said it, as a child I actually had to learn that everything is not easy. If I didn’t get out there and actually do the work for something, I didn’t reap the benefits and gratification from it. I was raised by parents who were not far removed from the Great Depression. The world was never handed to them on a spoon and neither has it been for me.

I have debt. I’m working very hard at getting out of it. It is no one else’s fault or responsibility. I have programed in into my mind that in order to change the mistakes I have made in the past, I have to work through it. I have to feel the pain in order to understand the blessing. Maybe that is not true for everyone, but I know that it's right for me. That doesn’t stop me from buying a lottery ticket a few times a year and crossing my fingers though!

Deeper than debt though I see these "fads" that are hitting so many of my friends in the past few years: diets. I am so against this that it’s ridiculous. Now, some people need extremes health-wise because they are at huge risks – that is understandable and encouraged when approved FOR THEM through their Doctor. But I cannot begin to tell you how painful it is to see how this mentality of instant gratification hits the most level-headed of people and makes them somehow think it makes complete sense. Sure, if you starve your body you will most definitely lose inches and weight. It’s a diet that’s been around for years, it’s called ANOREXIA! Or, maybe you’d like to try the higher class super-model version, called CRACK!

Fad diets come and go, that’s why they are called fads. I won’t call specific ones out on here right now, I just want to pass along the truth that, “If it looks to good to be true, it probably is.” There is no way to deprive yourself and then go back to how you were previously without gaining weight back. At the end of the day you HAVE to change your lifestyle. It’s about choices, portions, and exercise. You are beautiful just being you, so if it takes longer than you want it to you have to remember that - you're beautiful and worth being taken care of. Nothing is worth causing your body to yo-yo. THAT is unhealthy. As long as you take care of yourself and your body you are doing what's right. Marilyn Monroe was a curvy woman, she’d be booted from the industry nowadays and yet she’s one of Hollywood’s biggest icons. Ironic, right?

“Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.” Get rich quick schemes don’t work. Lose weight fast systems lead to unhealthy deprivations and habits. Hard work sucks a lot of the time, but in the end it is the one that is most often the most rewarding in the LONG term.

So, from this cheese ball from Wisconsin, I urge you all to find something you want to tackle in life: finances, weight, material belongings, a dream that you’ve long let go of – put a goal in front of your mind and WORK towards it.

The only way to get published is to write.
The only way to be a star athlete is to practice.
The only way to be a teacher is to first learn.

Everything worth anything takes discipline and grace.

FACTS:

The Sistine Chapel took Michelangelo a little over FOUR YEARS to complete!

Michael Jordan is known as one of the best basketball players of our time.

Did you know that he played professionally for SIX YEARS before he won his first championship?

One of my favorite quotes ever is from this man himself:

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

Mt. Dew Monday

2011-02-14T13:49:00.000-06:00

(this photo borrowed from phototainable.com)

Many people will be writing about or thinking about one thing today. As for me, I'm thinking about bed; as in sleep. I had a fun and very un-sleep-filled weekend. Today I suffer for that. I already drank an energy drink to no avail. I'm on a diet Mt. Dew at the moment and it seems to be doing no better. Instead I can almost hear the clock ticking slower and slower towards the inevitable freedom that 5 o'clock brings. All I have to do is return some shoes to Sears and go home. Once home I will sort clothing like a ninja and bring some stuff over to my sister's house. At that point I shall return home, watch the Bachelor and go to BED! My body is fighting off a cold and CRAVING sleep. My longing for sleep is probably most comparable to a crack addict suffering withdrawal and jonesing for their next high. My high; sleep. My method; a chamomile sleep aid and my comfy, comfy bed.

*tick.....tick...............tick.......

For the love of all that is good in this world, 5 PM, HURRY UP!

It's a Mother Daughter thing

2011-02-11T12:27:00.000-06:00

Oh the irony...

In January I blogged about how my Dad's dog had eaten the one tree that I absolutely treasured; a chestnut tree planted by my Mother and I. (see post here) It was intended that one day it would be transplanted into the yard of my very own house. That tree has now been destroyed and although it is quite rare for me to cry, I did. It absolutely broke my heart.

Today, through a completely odd series of events I came across a video created by a Korean woman in memory of her Mother. I cannot help but take it as a beautiful reminder of the memories I have with my own Mom and how completely ironic it is that the tree she used in this video was, out of all the possibilities, a chestnut tree.

I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have.

I'm Looking for Something Dumb to do...

2011-02-08T13:41:00.000-06:00

♪♫♪... Hey Baby, I think I wanna marry you. ♪♫♪

I am in the mood to list.

- I really need to sort out the mess and boxes in my house. I've been there a year now and I'm still not done. I have a friend who just moved to Maryland and within a week she was finished sorting. That is insane to me. It is insane in a way that makes me drool with envy...

- It's going to get below zero for the next few days. Let the fun begin. And by fun I mean the countdown to me looking like an idiot by slipping on hidden ice patches. Oh, wait, that's been my whole month thus far!

- Edgar Allen Poe is a favorite of mine. Right now I am in the mood to read "The Tell Tale Heart". It is one of my all-time favs.

- Tonight I am going shopping for a bridesmaid dress. Hopefully we sort it out and order it!

- Sometimes I wonder why car tires aren't made entirely of rubber, or something very close-like; I mean, if there wasn't air in there then they wouldn't go flat. I guess they could be extra bouncy that way though...

Oh Happy Day...

2011-02-03T15:05:00.000-06:00

The blizzard of '11 hit Southern Wisconsin hard and when I woke up on Wednesday even my front door was laughing at me... (click to see picture in full glory)

Happy shoveling out to all my friends that were slapped in the face with snow!

Grand total that fell overnight: 23.2 inches. Snow drifts anywhere from 1-8 feet tall. Yowzah!

Wanna Come Dig Me Out?

2011-01-31T09:39:00.000-06:00

I live in Wisconsin. Winter's in Wisconsin are legit; they don't mess around. They also aren't as harsh as *some* places can be. I'm an odd-ball, I enjoy the winter. I love the cold, the fresh fallen snow, nights spent inside of a warm house whilst sipping cocoa and watching the snow dance it's way to the earth below. Enter last night's news: a blizzard is heading our way. By Wednesday night we could have up to 30 inches of snow! No. Lie. My bet is 12-18 inches but we will see. All I know is that for this lady that means a LOT of shoveling will be happening in the next three days. Ug.

Maybe I should go for a walk tonight and try to find a sexy man in his rugged snow-pants and flirt like crazy. Odds are that he'll have a snow-blower, right? He'd LOVE to rescue (me) the damsel in distress, right??

Why haven't I thought of this before!!! [puts on super puffy and unflattering winter jacket and a fresh coat of lip gloss]

Now I'm Having Fun.

2011-01-27T12:02:00.000-06:00

I found my old layout and am having *way* too much fun playing with it.
Right now I've made it look like a bag of skittles threw up on my blog. I like it.

Don't worry, it will calm down again soon. And more than likely I will post a better banner for the top. Just plain text just is NOT me!

Thanks, Dad.

2011-01-26T13:50:00.000-06:00

I don't mean this in a cruel way but my Dad sucks at being a Dad. He just does. I mean, no fault laid, it's just the truth. It would be like me becoming an accountant or something - to a degree I'd make it by, but overall I would be horrible. It would be a terrible position for me to be in.

Over a year ago my Mom passed away, a void that is still very real in my life to this day. Sometimes I wonder how her absence has affected my Dad. Mostly I just think that his naggy housekeeper is gone, or more correctly is now my sister. Yes, there are other things that have affected him, I'm sure, but overall he just seems so blind to anything that doesn't directly benefit him in some way.

A puppy. My Dad has a puppy that he kept tied up in the backyard when she needed to go potty. Recently he decided that tying her out front would be better. Honestly, it's just because he stacked a bunch of crap in the backyard that created an obstacle coarse of sorts to try to get to the leash...so, instead of cleaning, the front yard made more sense.

I asked him so many times to *please* be careful of the chestnut tree that I've been growing out there - waiting for the day when I would have a place of my own to plant it in. In my heart I pictured the hubby and some kiddos playing by this tree for years to come. More recently it just became the link between me and a memory of my Mom. I've long given up on the dreams I used to have, so just hoping for a place of my own and a yard to plant it in was all I wanted.

About 5 or 6 years ago my Mom and I were pulling weeds in the back of her house and one 'weed' was actually connected to chestnut. We laughed and planted it out front, hoping for the best. The little tree thrived. This past summer it was about a foot high and had several branches and leaves.

Last night, I fought back tears as I saw (for sure) that despite my pleads, my Dad tied the untrained dog in the front yard. It's too late. The tree that my Mom and I planted is now just about an inch tall nub that has been eaten to the ground. It's gone and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am so hurt. I am so mad. I am so upset.

Me: (fighting back tears) She ate the whole tree.
Dad: (rolling his eyes - because he knew it, and I know he also felt a tiny bit sorry)
Me: It's gone. I have taken care of that tree for years.
Dad: Well, it wouldn't have matured in your lifetime.
Me: That's not the point - my Mom and me planted that tree!
Dad: Well...

Then I left, and cried as I don't cry in front of people.

I think I'm forbidden to have nice things in my life.

Things You May Have Missed...

2011-01-25T09:46:00.000-06:00

- The Packers and the Steelers are in the Superbowl.

- Oprah has a half sister, as well as an obvious grudge against her Mom (judging by the awkwardness of their interactions on yesterdays show)

- My nails are white with little multi-colored butterflies on them.

- I have an 'office' calendar with daily quotes on it. It makes my days at work so much nicer.

- I am in a wedding in like 4 months and I still need to find a dress and pray that I wake up skinny.

- My hat is amazing, but I'm only wearing it because I didn't want to take a shower this morning.

- Beans, my cat, is hyper today. He knocked Areba (my 19 year old cat) over about 3 times first thing this morning, and when I went in to the living room he'd already knocked about 10 dvds off the shelf that he's not allowed on.

- It's 9:45AM and I'm drinking a Mt. Dew already.

This is going to be a GREAT day!

Superbowl XLV, Baby!

2011-01-24T11:11:00.000-06:00

I have been away for far too long. Also, I do not like this blog layout. I must remedy this...well...at some point.

Yesterday I watched my boys beat the #1 seed to make their way to the Superbowl. It was an up and down ride that's for sure. They were kicking poor Jay Cutler's butt the whole first half until a mysterious knee injury got him pulled from the game. After two horrible runs with the backup qb, Lovie Smith put in qb number three. Number THREE, in the most important game of the YEAR. This game decides whether or not you are the champions of your division - Jay Cutler is a baby. All that aside, this actually proved to be a good move by Lovie; the Bears went on to score 14 points for what was *almost* a tie game.

Oh, did I forget to mention the big guy that my team had out?

BJ Raji. The "Freezer" intercepted a pass and ran it in for the touchdown that won us the title of NFC Conference Champs!

Today I am wearing my new Packers sweatshirt that I went out and purchased after the game. I was hoping for a hat like the one Rodgers was wearing in the locker room, but Dick's was sold out of 200 in less than an hour!

The Packers are facing off against the Steelers in Dallas on Feb. 6th. The Steelers are a great team and that, my friends, should prove to be an amazing game!

MERRY FREAKIN' CHRISTMAS!!!!

2010-12-23T14:59:00.000-06:00

love, beans, heidi and areba

NANOWRIMO

2010-12-01T10:37:00.000-06:00

I did it. I freaking did it!

National Novel Writing Month: 30 Days, 50,000 words.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

I have yet to wrap up the final chapter - but ultimately, I did it!

All that writing and I have so much to update the blog world about, still. *sigh*

For now, I rest, recuperate and prepare to edit my potential pile of crap!

Happy December, People!

Beans with No Nuts...

2010-11-16T08:58:00.000-06:00

My little 5 month old, Beans, is getting his business chopped today (as I type). Beans is my kitten. He's a cuddly teddy bear and I freaking love him. I dropped him off this morning and the doctor embarrassed him by searching (once again) for his business. Uno. They have to go into his abdomen with another incision and find his other man-bit. Poor guy felt like less than a man's man in front of the woman doctor. *sigh* After today, I'll have Beans with no nuts. No nuts and a shaved belly.

Loss Comes with Change...

2010-11-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

It's been a very long time, over a year in fact, that I've had the same template on here. Since that time, Blogger has experienced a boom in the amount of templates they are offering for backgrounds. I find it funny that by "boom" I really mean they've gone from like 5 options (with 5 sub-options) to somewhere around 10 (with about 20 sub-options) - ooh, advancement! *sarcasm*

For me, I've always looked outside the box for my templates. I find one that I like and then I tweak it to how I want it to work. (Read: I cut out all the attachments and add-ons that come with someone else's homemade template, and by doing so I have taught myself a whole bunch about reading HTML codes!)

After my diatribe a few months back about leaving it (my blog style) alone for awhile, I've now full out changed it. I'm a girl, you should just expect that! Now, I'm forced to deal with the annoying issues that come with change. You're probably wondering, "What are those?" Well, let me tell you! Disappearing everythings, that's what! Friends blogs have vanished. People I followed have *poof*ed into thin air. It's incredibly agitating. Instead of enjoying the changes I've begun I am now forced to piece it all back together. Good times.

Eew.

Talullah Belle

2010-10-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

Talullah Belle is my sister's baby kitten. Toolbelt, as I refer to her, is just about to turn 5 months old. I am the babysitter while my sister and her boyfriend are enjoying a California vacation. Last night, the little punk got lots of extra love and attention from me; only to attempt to murder me moments later.
There I was, standing in the kitchen as the little baby sat cutely on the floor watching me. While gabbing on the phone my eyes met hers and she leaped straight into the air and at my chest. It was only a moment before I realized how the heck she was standing, propped, on me - looking me in the eye. The little kamikaze kitten had landed with her back claw *IN* my left ring finger.

Picture it: my hand was at my side and now, like a child standing on a grown ups hands as if stirrups, the stupid cat had all it's weight on it's one leg and it's claw torn into my flippin' finger!? How the crap does this stuff happen to ME?

Of course I didn't just drop her because I didn't want to hurt or scare her. I picked the cat up by the scruff of the neck and pulled her out of my finger (all the while mildly cussing). Then came blood. So much blood. It hurt so bad that I kept whipping my hand to somehow stop the pain; only later did I find dozens of tiny blood spatters that I then needed to clean up. I washed it; bactine'd it, and bandaged it - but only after the bleeding stopped. There was a good 5 minutes or so of me holding bloody wet papertowels on it, applying pressure while keeping it above my head!

I now have an inch long gash in my finger. It literally *could* have been stitched. If I had superglue I would have used that. For real. I would have. Instead I just keep airing it and putting a band-aid over it with some neosporine. A gash and another claw hole. Must have been two claws. I kid you not.

So, that shot my plans for dying my hair last night, and showering. Good times.

Chapped Lips and Burnt Toast

2010-10-04T16:05:00.000-05:00

Please do not ask me why I titled this post, "Chapped Lips and Burnt Toast". It was the first thing that popped into my brain as I chewed on my bottom lip, as I often do, and thought about how when I was a child I used to love buttered toast with cinnamon on it. Yum.

For the first time in a seemingly long while I produced some art today. Nothing big. Nothing great. My delight comes purely from just the act of *doing* it. Life gets itself so hectic and busy and then forces us to look back and think, wow, I wish I'd had more time for *insert project here*. Today I just went for it. At lunch I spent a good 20-30 min sitting on my futon, drawing. With sharpies and colored pencils in hand, I drew a pic of myself as a child. I changed the expression and some other things, but for the most part kept to the photo.

This is what I created:

Yeah, I know it's not great, but it's SOMETHING. I have never been that good at faces. Honestly, I just avoided it most of my school years, really. I focused on body parts, like the hands, and mastered them. I left the faces for the "other guys".

Sorry, just had a Tommy Boy moment and pictured Chris Farley doing air quotes with his hands and saying, "other guys".

Other than that, the cool, crisp Autumn air has filled the city. My house is lit with candles that reflect the changes in the Season, and I sit, wrapped in my homemade afghan. Happy. Content. I love this time of year!

Cool Beans

2010-09-08T09:09:00.000-05:00

There are so many random things that I've thought about in the past few days. Seriously random. Weirdly random. Like last night I was daydreaming about walking down a hallway where the walls were made entirely of empty cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Hilarious to me is the fact that I don't even drink beer, and I don't think I've ever even tried P.B.R. before! Regardless, the white cans made awesome walls in my fleeting thought.

I know. Strange.

My best friend, Amie, and I have known each other since we were 4 or 5. We've been best buds for 25 years now. Isn't that great? We survived all our difficult phases of life, including teen years, and still love each other. It's basically a modern day miracle. For as long as I can remember we have used the phrase, "Cool beans." Let me give you some examples if you are unfamiliar with this phrase.

Amie: Want to go to the movies?
Me: Sure
Amie. Cool beans.

OR:

(after a fight or argument)
Me: Alright then....cool beans?
Amie: Cool beans.

It's kind of like a cooler version of "hug it out, bitch". However, during the make-up "cool beans" there will sometimes be the follow-up "hug it out, bitch". It's usually not stated, just done.

My friend Brian recommended a movie to me last year. The movie was called "Hot Rod". It's a Napoleon Dynamite-type flick about a loser late-teen early 20 year old guy who wants to be a stuntman but he basically fails at life. He obviously doesn't realize this fact though.

To be honest, the first time I watched it I thought it was so-so. However, every time I've viewed it since...it just gets more and more funny. My favorite scene, since day one, is posted below. It is so incredibly random that I just about peed myself. Let me set it up for you. A fight between friends/brothers has occurred. Rod goes into the other guys bedroom to make his apology. The following is the result...

It came out of left field in the movie, yet, it's creepily so much like my life. THIS is how things happen in my world.

My life should absolutely me a reality show. I know it for a fact.

Gaga for Gaga

2010-09-02T10:37:00.000-05:00

(picture borrowed from holgablog)

Tonight is Gaga. GAGA!!!!!! I am actually going to the Lady Gaga concert at the Bradley Center in Milwaukee!!!!! I seriously cannot wait. I'm so freakin' excited.

(photo borrowed from the Manila ticket selling website)

This concert shall be very entertaining to say the least. I never get breaks like this - I am like a kid in a candy shop!

Too bad my teal pleather one-piece swimsuit is at the cleaners, otherwise I'd so rock it. I'm sure all the people in Milwaukee will be disappointed that I wont have all my junk hanging out on display. Far less people will be puking on the streets I suppose. Ha! Even though I have no time to truly get all "did" up for this show, you can bet that I'll sport my weird glasses that I'm wearing in my profile pic. Heck. Yes.

Stop Thinking

2010-09-01T14:27:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking way too much. It's both good and bad. Good because it's me, it's what I do. Bad because it often serves as a reminder of the truth of my life at the moment and for the future. Reality isn't a horrible and depressing thing, it's just, if I lose the romantic side of me (the dreamer), then...well....it can be.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson (In Memoriam)

That statement is one that I've often quoted, or heard quoted, in my lifetime. Fairly regularly it has been posed as a question instead of a stated fact. I must admit that until this week I always thought that I agreed. However, now I am uncertain and it bugs me to say the least. It bothers me because I can neither firmly say I agree or that I disagree. What's up with that?

It wasn't until a few days ago that I discovered (through research) where the quote originated. Alfred Lord Tennyson. Alfred was the poet laureate of the United Kingdom during the time of Queen Victoria's reign. Oddly enough he took the title of poet laureate after the death of another poet that I love, William Wordsworth. Wordsworth penned one of my favourite poems, "Daffodils".

Tennyson penned the now famous line that I quoted above, in the 27th canto of his poem/work titled 'In Memoriam'. Alfred finished this piece in 1849. It was written as a requiem to one of his closest friends that died of a cerebral hemorrhage when he was in his early 30s. This piece took 17 years to complete and is a testament to the internal (and eternal) struggle and soul-searching that Tennyson was experiencing over this time. Something that you come to understand very intimately when you yourself have lost a loved one.

While searching the roots of this famous saying, I decided to read 'In Memoriam'. Honestly, I have yet to finish it. But the first few Cantos floored me. The depth of his writing, pain, and emotions are so incredibly rich. I found myself wishing that I was in school again; wishing that I was in a class whose sole purpose was dissecting apart this work piece by piece. And so I will. Eventually. Perhaps it's in one of the many poetry books that I own. If so, I can picture myself laying on a blanket by the lake, reading and writing till my hearts content.

In the end, I always thought I'd rather know love and lose it, than to never know it at all. I have a friend who was married and had a child, then the husband died. He was her love. She lost him and has spent her life raising her children, and now she's alone. That is so sad to me. I always thought I'd rather have that than what I've had at this point...which is, well, nothing. But, as I realized on yet another dark night of me entering my house, late and alone, maybe this is best for me.

I have no one to worry if I don't come home at night. I have no one to check in when I work late hours. I have no one to care if my day was crap. I have no one to help me, care for me, worry over me (or with me), assist me, be annoyed by (or with) me...I have nothing. I have me and my two cats. It's sad. But I wonder if it would be harder to deal with if I *had* had those things at some point...

The closest comparison would be my Mom. We used to talk every day, whether I wanted to or not. She always cared how I was or where I was. I miss that now that she's gone. Ironically, I am so thankful that I *did* have that, have *her*, in my life. So does that mean I'd rather have and lose than not have and not lose? I honestly don't know anymore.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Sicky

2010-08-30T14:51:00.000-05:00

I have a flippin' cold. People still say that they think I have allergies. I, on the other hand, just wish my coughs would be productive. This sucks.

I'm eating Easy Mac. Yes. I am that lazy today.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL????

2010-08-26T09:08:00.000-05:00

Cause I sure am.

Life is so weird

2010-08-25T16:23:00.000-05:00

Well? It is, isn't it?

I don't have anything pressing to post right now, so I'm going to do a top ten list. Literally, this is off the top of my head because at this exact moment (of typing) I have nothing in my brain. Actually, I'm picturing clouds moving across a blue sky. Weird.

1. My throat is janky. It's a tricky feeling like a start to a cold, but I'm pretty sure it's some sort of odd allergy. If it's a cold, I'm going to punch my friend Tina in the face. Alright, I probably won't; it just sounded tough.

2. I don't think I've had any water today. I actually miss it. Wow. That's a good thing!

3. Beans and his sister Tallulah are going in for their 12 week shots. Let's hope that their normal doctor straightens out the stupid mistakes that his sub made 3 weeks ago.

4. The Packers play tomorrow and I am thrilled. Yes, it's only pre-season. Yes, it doesn't *really* count for anything. But dude, I miss TV and football so much that this is the most thrilling thing I've got at the moment.

5. Sleep. I need it. I miss it. Tonight? Hope so.

6. I plugged in an apple scented wallflower at lunch. My house better smell awesome when I get home. Awesome, not overwhelming.

7. I honestly don't think I will ever *be* in love, or *fall* in love. I think I'm okay with that.

8. I wish my hair was fabulous. I wish I had dark eyes, thick dark hair, fair skin... no...blue eyes, dark hair, fair skin. ooooooh...freckles. I'd still want freckles. Only a whole lot more of them.

9. Diet Pepsi? Not that great.

10. Autumn is on it's way. I feel it. I feel it and I love it.

Alright, I have one more note to add: My hands smell like Macaroni and Cheese. True Story. The. End.

Done for now

2010-08-20T14:09:00.001-05:00

Alright, I've changed my banner 56 times in the past month or so. Alright, not quite 56 times, but you get the point. I think I'm settled for the time being with this one. We'll see what next week brings.

The original photo (minus the words) was my 30th of my 365 project. I'm so resourceful. ; )

Thursday

2010-08-19T09:30:00.000-05:00

"I'm sorry", is being extended to my fellow bloggers that I've fallen behind in keeping up with. It's not out of anything but the chaos of life that has kept me from your blog - the little window I have into the world in which you live. It's just difficult without having internet at home. Also, I've begun a lot of side projects as well and they eat up my time just as quickly as my little kitten slams his wet food.

Beans (my baby boy) and Areba (my teenaged girl) are tolerating each other. Well, to be honest, Areba tolerates Beans. Beans just wants to pounce on and play with Areba. Areba, however, being 18 and the queen, just growls and slams him to the floor to put him in his place. Then, two seconds later (and in true A.D.D. kitten fashion) Beans is after her again. It's our own little cycle that we've got going at my place. It's keeps me entertained and on my toes for sure!

Still no car. Still not rich. Still no internet.

Tomorrow I go in for a blood test. I'm a bit nervous, but am praying that 1.) the nurse is nice and gentle. and 2.) that the test goes well and all of my counts or whatever they fully test for, is normal. It's a lot to hope for in the family that I come from....but really, I'm hoping (more specifically) that kidney counts are normal.

Crap. I need to find a way to get to the doctor tomorrow....

My sister made potato salad and brought me some. Hello, Breakfast! I know, I'm weird. But admit it, that's why you like me. Ha!

Leggs

2010-08-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

Remember that great American nylon campaign for Leggs?
♪♫♪ She's got Leggs, she knows how to use them...sheer energy Leggs! ♪♫♪

That song is stuck in my head after my photo session today.

Still plodding away at what I call the three-six-five project. It's actually been one of the only things keeping me sane lately. Not sure why that is, but it has become an oasis of sorts for me. I like it. Plus, those shoes rock. I'm such a shoe-aholic. I wish I had money, I'd have a million more shoes. And a car.

I love this shot of my legs. They're nice. I wish my whole body was as awesome as this photo! hahaha!

"I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem!" -TommyBoy

Coupon. I have a coupon for 2 free steaks. I printed out 4 of them. Watch me get 8 free steaks. Now all I need is a grill.

Oh my gosh! I just realized that I really really miss my Foreman Grill. Where is it?

My Mom got me that grill.

blah

2010-08-16T10:02:00.001-05:00

just like the title.

Summer Days, Drifting Away...

2010-08-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Ten Things:

1. I'm behind in everything there is on earth right now. Life shall return to normal soon. My houseguest is leaving tomorrow. (Farewell Carrie! Also, get back on here and BLOG, Sister!)

2. I have been eating way too much. Having an out of State guest means frequenting all my favorite (read: FATTY) food joints in and around town.

3. Beans' Doctor wasn't available for his 9 weeks appt yesterday, so I took the fill-in Lady. Bad idea. She gave him his 12 week shots instead of his 9 week ones. I had nightmares last night about them calling me and telling me that they now needed to put him to sleep or something. She's out today, which means I'll be worried all the way till tomorrow, when she calls, about it.

4. My nail polish is old and I need to remove it and move on from there.

5. I need to start eating wiser again. Helpful that I have no money. Maybe I'll just quit food all together!

6. Today is my Sister's cat's first birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CLEMENTINE!!! This is for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrlQaxeewZI Enjoy!!!

7. My photo project is going well. It is, however, frustrating not to have the equipment that I'd love to have at my fingertips.

8. I still do not have a car.

9. I just ate a whole box of these frozen appetizer things. It was good, but why did I eat that much? Too full. That's okay, I washed it down with a Snack Pack! Ha!

10. Taco Pies at my house tonight! BOOM, BABY!

Day 6

2010-07-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

"Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." ~C. S. Lewis

This is today's addition. Oh the things I do after midnight!

I am so weird.

Top Ten Thoughts for This Monday Morning

2010-07-26T10:21:00.000-05:00

1. I hate mosquitoes. I have over 50 bites from right about my ankles downward. That is insane. I am like crack for those devil beasts.

2. After-Bite works well, but burns like heck! That is probably my own fault, though, for scratching the crap out of my feet.

3. I need to drink more water. I was doing good, but then I got lazy about it. Now I'm back. I've almost finished a Liter so far this morning.

4. I was treading water deciding what dvds to start watching now. Movies are great and all, but I haven't had TV (as previously stated in numerous blogs. Yes. I know.) in 7 months. I like watching series. So, now I have restarted Gilmore Girls. I began on Saturday night and am already halfway through Season One. Good times.

5. I need a nap. Actually, I just need sleep and to not be woken up by a punk kitten. Beans is such a little boy. He's begun chewing my hair in the night. He leaves is bed and stalks over to my head and starts chewing on my hair and playing with it. What a weirdo.

6. Wet food. Areba needs wet food and I keep forgetting to stop for some. I'm a horrible mother. I need to treat her, seeing as she's putting up with a baby boy in HER house these days!

7. Carrie, my out-of-town guest is coming back tomorrow. I need to make some plans to show of the city and surrounding areas...

8. Zuppa Tuscana sounds so good to me right now. I need to make some this week.

9. The car hunt continues. And as such, I wonder why I am the "lucky" person who never has movie-like things happen to them. Like, where is my rich uncle who wants to take care of me? Where is my dead benefactor whose left me more money than I could possibly spend in this lifetime? Where is my knight in shining armor? Actually, I'd settle for the Prince from "Sleeping Beauty". At least he could sing and dance.

10. I am really enjoying my project 365. Maybe I should put a picture or two on here every once in awhile? Man, if I was really smart, I bet there is a way to link that photo album from Flickr to here. Alas, I have little to no skills whatsoever!

I've Got Nothin' For Ya...

2010-07-23T16:18:00.000-05:00

...title-wise.

This week Grandma Irene died. She wasn't *my* Grandma, rather she was my best friend (my blood brother...erm..sister(?) from childhood)'s. Either way, she was like a Grandma to me. I missed out on real Grandmas because my Mom's Mother died before I was born. My Father's Mom lived up North and we pretty much only saw them on Christmas; just enough to really piss you off as a child, having to wait to open gifts until the Grandparents showed up.

I mean, I loved my Grandma, don't get me wrong; but man, she was like a Nazi at her house. 2 pieces of bacon and THAT was IT! A tiny glass of O.J. and THAT was IT! Geeze, Grams, did you grow up in the Depression or something?

Oh. Right. You did.

Still, Grandma Irene was my Grandma. She loved me, treated me and punished me just like the rest of them!

I broke at the funeral. Every funeral now makes me think of my Mom too, so that's a big fat crappy bonus!

In other news, after hunting 2 cities and like 7 Walgreens, I have found and purchased some awesome candy that I am incredibly addicted to. Mission accomplished. After all, it's time to put on the "winter weight". Not that I've ever "taken off" last years... but shh. We don't have to talk about that!

Writing is really what I need to be doing. Sadly, that takes a back-seat way more often than it should. In fact, I've begun a new project. Project 365 on Flickr - Self Portraits. I'm really looking to be stretched and am excited about hitting day 365 and being able to look back on a year of life. We will see how this goes.

365 / 002: Grandma Irene's Funeral was this morning.

In lighter news for this absolutely horridly humid Friday afternoon: The words "eyeliner and cigarettes" are stuck in my brain. Not the whole song of 'Paparazzi'. No. Just that line. Thank you, Lady Gaga.

Enjoy your weekend, Friends!

Busy Freakin' Week

2010-07-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

As if any week isn't busy, right?

I feel like I'm running on fumes. Rest assured, I'm not. Currently I'm running on 'Monster'. This particular, erm, flavour(?) is kind of sick too, so that's a bonus.

Beans, my little man, is growing accustomed to his new habitat. (Beans is my new kitten, in case you didn't know that!) He's quickly learning that Areba is the Queen of the house; he still ends up doing incredibly boyish and kitten-like things. It's nice having a man in the house now. I can only hope that he grows up to learn how to fix electric issues, cut the grass, take out the garbage and deal with spiders and stuff. I think he'll fare well with the latter, it's the previous that I worry about! I'm kind of "over" doing the "manly" chores. Don't get me wrong, I will do them because they have to be done, but a man would be nice. I'm what you'd call completely ANTI-feminist like that!

You want to take out the garbage? SURE! By all means, have at it!

What? You'd love to take care of the yard work? Uh, HI - I think that's awesome!

The dynamic of adding Beans to the recipe of my life has proven to be a bit spicy at times and just a little saucy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I'm officially working on the 'Cat Lady' thing.

Analyze This!

2010-07-14T17:05:00.000-05:00

Interesting:

I write like
George Orwell

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Well, I guess there is no denying that as a wee lass I loved his book, 'Animal Farm'.

Oh! Also, there's no denying my affinity for Elf Culture. (Sorry, 'Elf' on the brain.)

Running Just as Fast as We Can...can...can...can...

2010-07-09T16:17:00.000-05:00

Tonight is a mad dash of sorts; one which began about an hour ago.

You see, my sister and I (who live separately) are each getting kittens. She's getting a baby girl. I am getting the brother, a baby boy. Beans Artimus is his name. He's quite the little man. He also has got quite the mouth on his cute little face!

The kittens have been locked up at my Dad's house overnight - quarantined from our other animals prior to vet inspection. That is just how we operate, especially since Miss Areba Abigail Anne Marie (by baby) is about to turn 18. Best to be safe.

Here's the rundown of the evening:

3pm: Sister brings kittens to my place to show a friend some craft stuff she can take.

4pm: Sister brings kittens to the Vet.

5pm: I get picked up and brought to my house. Sister brings kittens to Dad's house. I clean and prepare for my little boy.

6pm: My old roommate brings her six month old puppy to my house. She is giving me the dog to give to my Dad.

7pm: Bring puppy to Dad's house and exchange for Mr. Beans.

When-the-heck-ever: GO HOME!

Seems straight and easy, right? This crap kept waking me up every 2 hrs last night! I cannot wait for tomorrow to arrive!

Happy Weekend, Friends!

Fireworks and Fried Chicken

2010-07-07T14:18:00.000-05:00

The Fourth of July weekend has come and passed, taking with it one of the very few three day weekends that I get off of work. A busy three days for sure. The heat was one thing, but the air so thick that I could set my drink down on it...well, that was just too much.

When you don't have a car you realize how much better actually having a car in your world is. I walked around the city, sweating my butt off, in order to get my tasks done. In the upper 80s. In extremely high humidity. At one point, I kid you not, I was ready to throw in the towel, lay down in the middle of the side-street that I was trekking on, and die. Someone would find my dried out body later in the day. They'd kick at what had now become just a pile of sand and they'd wonder where the hell that mess had come from.

And now "....♪♫♪ All we are is dust in the wind..." is in my head. Thank you, 'Kansas'.

I operate like a movie with a soundtrack. Let me just say that my soundtrack is awesome. However, you cannot buy it. It doesn't exist.

Other than the suffering of the sun as I tried to trim the hedges; briefly, before I absolutely quit, showered and passed out - the weekend was pretty decent. The fireworks were on the 3rd. Apparently because having the fireworks (intended to celebrate Independence) on the actual DAY is just out of the question. Because there are other things families would rather do on the night of the 4th? Whatevs.

The 3rd also brought with it a Fried Chicken Road Trip on Route 66 with my friend Brianne. I would have written all about it, but she beat me to it. If you're interested please check out her blog here: Fried-Chicken It was a great (small) roadtrip. The food and treats were fantastic. I even bought a tshirt. Cue the mouth to begin watering now because just thinking about it has made me crave some homemade fried chicken.

I think that's it for my ramblings today. I have the gross taste of Zesty Salsa Combos in my mouth. It's gross, yet it makes me want more.

Time to go drink some water.

Love

2010-07-06T16:22:00.000-05:00

PROMPT - In her right hand a woman holds a loaded gun, in her left, a coin that just came up ‘tails’…NOW WRITE…

Violet’s hand trembled; her heart seemed to stop. The silence was absolutely deafening. Somewhere in the darkness seconds slipped through broken pipe one drop of moldy water at a time.

Vy willed the coin to jump up and turn over. As a child she remembered the tiny box of Mexican jumping beans that her Mother had bought for her. They seemed to have wills of their own, how hard could it be? After all, couldn’t some people bend spoons with their minds? Why wouldn’t the damn coin flip over?

The faint whimpering of Dominic awakened the blood in her veins. Life flowed back into her slate gray eyes as she realized that he still had no idea whether it was ‘heads’ or ‘tails’. His life depended on George Washington, and George had let him down.

Time had become just another abstract and illusive entity at this point. Twenty-Four hours ago she’d been in his arms. The scent of man’s cologne mixed with his sweat had made her melt. She breathed it in as if she were attempting to burn it into her memory.

Right now, she cherished that move.

Time: Only one day ago they had confessed their love for one another. The decades of friendship that had gone back and forth with unexpressed feelings of romance seemed to shatter across horizon as honesty took its course. It was only last night that he had grabbed her and pulled her close to him as the sun set. Twenty years of agony and bliss seemed as if nothing when she was beside him. It had all been worth it. They needed that time. They needed that space. They had needed it all to get to where they were, wrapped in one another’s arms, impenetrable.

Time: Five minutes is all it took to pour out the emotions that led to the most romanticized expression of love that anyone could experience – the first kiss. The first kiss is the spontaneous one; it is the act of raw passion in the heat of the moment. The second would only be better. The second kiss is the planned one. It’s the one that is thought out. When the second kiss happens, your hands are sweaty, and you’re nervous, like a teenager on their first date. The second kiss would be amazing.

The second kiss would never come.

A day…

Five minutes…

One minute…

One minute was all it took for their captor to subdue and drug them both. The rules were simple; one of them had to die.

Time has a tendency to stretch itself out to ungodly lengths. When you’re a child, waiting to un-wrap a gift, time seems to take as long as a trip to the dentist – an eternity. When you’re an adult, standing face to face with the object of your desires, time seems to mock you as it speeds itself up – laughing in your face as you look on in disbelief.

And then there was one second. One second was all it took for the coin to flip and decide their fate.

Violet would never see Dominic again. She would never smell his skin close to hers. He would never again tease her about her constant misuse of words. Her eyes would never gaze into his. Their lips would never again find each other. She would never again feel the safety that she felt when she had finally been enveloped in his strong and sturdy arms.

Her stone cold eyes peered up at the clock just as the second hand passed the 12. The alarm sounded. Vy slowly closed her eyes and she focused on the echoing beat of her heart. She had no choice, did she?

The pressure of her finger on the triggered tightened. Somehow, when the shot rang out, she thought about how easy it was. For some reason she’d imagined that firing a gun would require a strong hand. But there was nothing dramatic about this. It was almost too fluid. Too easy.

The gun only bounced a few times as it hit the concrete. The puff of smoke rose and dissipated at once. Dominic now was silent.

Violet had to kill him, she had no choice. However, love had won. At the last second, she closed her eyes, and took aim at herself. Sparing him was all she could do. Living without him is what would really kill her.

Across the vast expanse, Dominic lay on the cold cement ground; bleeding. In their silence they never even knew that they’d both been forced into the same game. In their silence they’d both made the same decision. They’d both breathed their last anticipating their second kiss.

Tuesday....After a Wreckless and Used Day

2010-06-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

When I was a teenager I went through the roller coaster of "liking" and "loving" different bands, groups, and sounds. Whether it was the hard core ska-sounds of the early 'No Doubt', or the alternative beats and rhythms of 'Green Day' and 'Weezer', I liked them all. I would listen to 'Boys to Men', 'Bone Thugs-n-Harmony', Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, and then in turn listen to 'Skillet', Rebecca St James and Sarah Masen. Eclectic. I've always been eclectic.

Sarah Masen sang a song called 'Tuesday'. It's stuck in my head, the sound resonating in my ears. I cannot tell you why this one album I have of hers has stuck with me throughout the years, but I love it. Perhaps it's the memories. Maybe it is the fact that the album contains fun, happy songs, and then it turns around to have the somber, haunting melodies of a Fiona Apple. 'Tuesday' is one of those songs.

I picture myself listening to it while there is rain falling against my window as I gaze reflectively outside...

Day set, scatters of clouds in the distance
They whitewash the backdrop of secrets
Whispering shadows of blue
In more delicate hues

And finally, I stopped for a breath in the evening
And suddenly, I was caught by the scenery
Painting a picture of You

Tuesday. It's a Tuesday. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing excited. Nothing terrible. And truth be told, I'm alright with that!

Let's Just be Real Here!

2010-06-28T08:38:00.000-05:00

As if I didn't have enough incredibly fun things occurring in my life, I got this stupid urinary tract infection. What the? I honestly thought you had to be sexually active to get that jazz! Plus, I'm a clean person!!! Ug. So, over a week ago I went to the walk-in clinic and was diagnosed with a doosey that (luckily) hadn't reached my kidneys. I was in loads of pain though. Then, sixty bucks later, I went to get my 3 days of antibiotics for another fifteen bucks of cold hard cash.

Did I mention ever that I need a CAR? A uti, not in my budget!

After my three days of that fun. My lady business came to town. Sorry, I'm 30 now, I can talk about my lady business if I want to. Just sayin'. I still felt funky. Besides, who's to say things go away? Am I to just trust that because my symptoms left that I'm now magically healed? Cue last Friday, my return visit to the walk-in clinic.

Now, the walk-in that I go to (because I don't have a doctor and to that point hadn't been to one since my early teen years - and even that was just for sports physicals) is in a grocery store. So, here I am, at a walk-in clinic that has no bathrooms. Therefore, I have to march through the store with my paper bag; absolutely positive that the entire world and every employee of the store are glaring at my with judgement in there eyes, and pee in a cup. Then, I have to make the walk of shame back to the clinic, back through the store, to hand them my doggie bag of pee. I felt so dirty. I felt like everyone looking on was casting judgement about me having a drug test or std or something. I desperately wanted to say, "No. You've got the wrong idea! I'm a virgin, I promise!" But then in my mind they were all going to stone me anyway, so what did it matter?

Test two: failed. Infection returned, although better. Here I am on my second round of antibiotics.

One doctor visit - $60.

SEVEN days of antibiotics - $30.

$165 later, and still no car.

The bonus is, apparently baths are hurting me. I love baths, and now I can't really take them. After my first infection my brain was all, "Take baths, Heidi. They are soo cleeean." What the heck ever! I told this lady (aka Doctor) and she was like, "Bad move." Now that I'm 30, baths (for me) have become the Antichrist. Awesome.

Please pray that this infection gets the heck out of dodge. I'm freaked about it. I'm a hypochondriac by nature, so immediately my mind thinks my body is failing or something. Plus, since I started the new meds on Friday I have been completely wiped out and incredibly sore. Every muscle in my back and body is sore for some reason, which only fuels my thoughts that something is wrong.

Other than that, I finished season one of Criminal Minds on dvd, and now am on to season two. Good times.

I want to marry Doctor Spencer Ried.

Oh, Wise Google...

2010-06-23T14:55:00.000-05:00

Due to the slow, rainy, boringness of the week I have decided to follow in my fellow blogger (and friend), Brianne's, footsteps with a little game that she invented a while back.

Here's the deal (I'm switching the rules up just a bit): I chose eleven questions to pose to the mighty Google search engine. I typed in each question as it's written below, no quotation marks. The answers to each question will be the first sentence of the first result summary. My answers are weird and even include a quote from a favorite movie of mine. Enjoy!

1. Should I take a nap today?
Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite pastime is napping.

2. If I ever get published, discovered, or rich, where should I move to?
If Sarah Palin ever becomes president, don't look for Hillary Clinton to pack up and leave the United States.

3. How will I meet my future husband?
So, i have a mini crush on a guy.

4. When the heck will I find the perfect car for me and my budget?
Here’s the challenge: My editor wants an economical and reliable car for his teenage daughter.

5. Which is better, ‘Toy Story’ or ‘Shrek’?
Theatergoers who stick around for the credits for current releases “Toy Story 3,” “Shrek Forever After,” “The A-Team,” “Iron Man 2,” “Marmaduke” or “The Last Airbender” can spot the names of dozens of Aggie “vizzers” — graduates from Texas A&M University’s master’s degree program in visualization sciences — who were leading contributors to each film.

6. Isn't my phone pretty?
I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.

7. If I tried to run a mile right now, would I die?
Just ran one a few hours ago.

8. Should I go see “Swell Season” at Ravinia next month?
That sounds like a great band in a great setting!

9. I don’t golf: should I go to the driving range?
Golf is a great game: sometimes rewarding, often frustrating but highly addictive.

10. When will I get hitched?
Mr Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III will become the Philippines' first bachelor president when he is sworn in on June 30.

11. Will I ever stop saying, “That’s what she said”?
Who can't stop saying these jokes?

Thank you, and have a nice day!

It Smells like Onion Rings and I'm Tired.

2010-06-22T14:02:00.000-05:00

It's Tuesday. Last night some pretty fantastic storms came tearing through my part of Wisconsin. About 35 miles from here there were actual tornado touch downs and quite a bit of damage. Around here though, beautiful lightening. There is nothing quite like a true electric storm. The calm eeriness of the night. Still and silent. The occasional gust of wind which kicks up some of the scattered leaves, branches or random trash tossed in the street, but all in all, it's very quiet. Storms where there is no rain, they're the best, you can stand outside and prop your head up for the show.

It was probably around 11pm and the sky was black, coupled with the flashes of lightening which lit the horizon with a vast assortment of violet hues and ominous clouds. Yet in an instant, you were returned to the darkened state of nothingness.

I loved it.

I stayed up way too late eating chewy lemonheads & friends and chasing the storm from the safety of my Mom's desk chair. It was brilliant.

Today, however, I'm tired and the onions I picked off of my sandwich at lunch have now made the room smell of onion rings on a summer's day. Yum?

Fail

2010-06-18T11:36:00.000-05:00

It's Friday and...

- I haven't blogged this week

- I forgot to take the garbage out this morning

- I painted my nails last night and now I hate the color that I chose. Isn't it funny how once something like that bothers you, it..REALLY bothers you? I type all day long. All I will notice is that my nails are more "peachy" than they are "pink". Annoying.

- I didn't have time to shave this morning, therefore the shorts I laid out are going to remain there as I sweat it out in jeans.

*sigh*

In other news, I am inspired to have my own photo shoot tomorrow morning. Can't find anyone to come out and play with me at sunrise, though. Darn.

Cry Baby

2010-06-10T10:15:00.000-05:00

Cry Baby.

I'm not talking about the movie (of the same name), starring Johnny Depp, either. However, it is worth noting because that movie does by all accounts rock.

I am talking about the sour gum. On of the most exciting additions to the candy world when I was a kid.

Back when sour things hit the scene with full force, Cry Baby's led the way. Sure there were other contenders, notably worthy oopponents such as; War Heads, Sour Straws, and Tear Jerkers. But Cry Baby's, well, they were the cat's meow.

When the sour phase began I was on that bandwagon in a minute! I aced my friends when it came to not pulling faces while suffering through the hell of sour that ripped apart the taste buds in your mouth. In fact, I rather enjoyed it! Sour things became a delicacy to me. To this day I still find satisfaction in a box of Sour Patch Kids or Lemonheads.

Last night, however, I realized that I am getting older. New flash, right? Thanks. But seriously, I came to the realization (this morning, actually) that tearing up my mouth for fun and competition - while being fun, yes, is great - the aftermath bites.

One twenty five cent bag of Cry Baby's contains 5 different flavoured gumballs; yellow, red, blue, green and orange. The goal: To one at a time suck a Cry Baby until it's coating dissolves, then and only then could it be chewed. Then, on to the next color. At no point in time may the Cry Baby be removed from your mouth in the process - if it is, well, then you're a pansy.

Yellow - my favourite when I was a child. Lemon. Yum. Sour, yes, but very good.

Red - Hey, this is getting more sour and I don't know why I'm doing this.

Blue - Mmm... Blue Raspberry. Blue Raspberry and HOLY CRAP THE SIDES OF MY MOUTH BELOW MY JAW ARE ACHING!

Green - THIS IS SO STUPID. MY TONGUE HURTS REAL BAD LIKE I BURNED IT ON PIZZA!

Orange - I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE AT THIS POINT. I'M CONVINCED THAT MY MOUTH IS BLEEDING. TEARS ARE FORMING. I AM IN PAIN. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY??????

After a few moments of dealing with what I can only imagine is tantamount to child birth with no drugs, I chewed the now flavorless gum and relieved myself with a sip of Mt. Dew and three chewy Atomic Fireballs.

All in a days work.

NOT! Enter TODAY, my mouth is so raw and tore up that it physically HURTS to eat! Son of a gun! Small price to pay for mastering the art of Cry Baby's though. Yeah, I've still got it.

No New Groceries

2010-06-08T07:54:00.000-05:00

This month, the month of June, is 'no new groceries' month. Mainly because I don't have a car, but also because, who knows what I have in my cupboards that I can be creative with. So far I've dined on frozen corn dogs with a side of barley, snap peas and carrots. Weird, yet satisfying.

Yesterday for lunch I mixed leftover gnocchi with some garlic-salt-seasoned sandwich steak. For those who are not blessed enough to know what sandwich steak is; it is simply very thinly sliced steak that you can use for sandwiches. I like to cut it up and cook it in a pan, seasoned with garlic salt. I usually eat it in a pita pocket with alfalfa sprouts, cucumbers, shredded mozz cheese a bit of mayo and a squirt of creamy french dressing - so very yummy! But for yesterday's lunch, I just mixed it in with the gnocchi and ate it that way. Not too shabby. Side for that meal, a small baggie of Cinnamon Pecan Special K cereal.

Actually, I have 2 baggies of the same cereal for lunch today. I think I luck out though because I know I have change in my desk at work, so I should be able to add some chips or a candy bar in the mix today.

No clue what dinner tonight will bring... Should I venture into the cans and boxes, or stick with the frozens?

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles....I'll walk.

2010-06-07T15:44:00.000-05:00

For most people the idea of a new car is thrilling, exciting even. The thought of researching deals, figuring out financing, looking at special features, styles and colors is fantastic. This is simply NOT the case for me. I hate it. I am forced into the worst place I could be right now. When nothing else in the world could stress me out, my car broke down and now my friends and family are pushing (helpfully) me to purchase a vehicle that I don't really have money for. Let's make the poor girl have another payment to make every month.

The payments aren't even the part that's really killing me either. It's the process. As a child I absolutely hated Math. Hate is a strong word, I know, but it's true. I hated it. I had to have tutors and constantly be reminded of how stupid I was. People who understood the problem tried to help me, but their understanding of the problem just pissed me off, really. I've reached that point with the quest for a car. My hours of research and finding good deals, shot down time and time again. I give up. I can't do it. I don't want to deal with this. Like I was with Math, I just want to scream and (literally) pull my hair. I want to punch my wall and rip or break something.

I can't do this. I cannot do it.

My first car was Pepper. Dr. Pepper. My family couldn't afford to get me a car, nor would they anyway, so my best friend's Father sold it to me for one dollar. I loved it. It was a maroon Renault Alliance. Like this one, only a different color. I believe it was an '82, or maybe an '85.

Mine was a four door automatic and it overheated every time I was in the drive-thru at Burger King. I loved it. It had a tape player and it was sweet! It had so many problems, due to age. I did all the work on it myself, with my Dad. At 17 years old I changed the battery, the battery cables, the starter, the starter relay/ignition switch, belts...you name it, all the way to the easy stuff; like wiper blades and fluid. Sadly, when I was 18 the brakes and everything to do with them crapped out. It would cost more than the car was worth to fix it. Bye Bye, Pepper.

Enter Gertrude: (photo is of a likeness, not my actual car. Mine rode inches from the ground because the shocks, springs and basically everything else was pretty bad. Not to mention the exhaust! Let's just say you could hear me coming!)

Gertrude was my second car and pretty much a loner from my Dad, really. A 1985 Buick Riveria. I could, potentially, fit the whole neighborhood; 3 dogs, four babies and 6 bikes in that thing - except for the fact that it was absolutely FULL of my Dad's tools and random garbage. I didn't care, it got me around. For about a year I drove a boat. It was my ghetto hoopty, and I loved it. I was just happy to have a vehicle.

As with any car, Gertrude kicked it. I paid for an @$$ ton of repairs only to have something be broken, by the shop mind you, that pretty much totalled it. The shop wouldn't be held responsible, however, because it was an issue of something rusting through. So, even though THEY bumped it, THEY caused the hole, I was the one who was screwed. I was yet again left car-less.

I loved each of those cars, even when other's stuck their noses up at me. I never needed a "nice" ride. I've always felt blessed just to have SOMETHING.

Enter Beatrice:

My 1995 Geo Prizm. It's still too soon to talk about it. She's in my backyard, slowly wasting away. She's been deemed unsafe for the road and I can no longer drive her. I got her before I moved out of my parent's house. She was with me through September 11th. She drove me to Milwaukee when my Mom was dying of cancer. She drove my friend Pam to and from many cancer appointment. She moved me and all my belongings 7 times. She's lasted me a decade. I couldn't have gotten a better car or a better deal.

After Gertrude I had $3000 I could borrow and spend. Knowing that, my good friend (retired from the business of used car sales) went on a hunt for me and bought me this car - Beatrice. I didn't even see it before he bought it. We'd gone looking a few times, but he found this deal and couldn't pass it up. At that time, she retailed for over $6000. I purchased her and licensed her for $3500.

I will never forget Eddie driving her to my house and me seeing her for the first time. Love. No tape player, no cd player. No extra anythings. I didn't care. I lived without them. It was a great car. I learned to drive stick shift in that car.

And here I sit today...

WITH NO CAR

I'm 30 years old and everyone seems to think I know, or should know what I'm doing. I'm poor. I've always been poor. I've never had the luxury of getting something on my own. I've never had to research and see what I would like. I've never had to do any of this. It's easy, if you have money, to pick out something and just go for it. It's easy, when you have a knowledge of cars, to jump in and wheel and deal - I hate even talking on the phone! The thought of facing a salesman terrifies me. I detest them. I smell them a mile away, and I run. I cannot do this. I've never gotten anything I wanted. It's just the truth. I'm not complaining at all, just stating fact. I don't even know where to begin. And what's better yet is that when I express this fact - I get advice! I DON'T WANT IT!!!! I'm not asking for it! In fact, advice is what is stressing me out.

Advice sends me right back to that desk, in school. Math class and I don't get the problem, or the solution.

I just want to go draw stars on my notebook, or shoot tiny folded papers like little missiles through the air with a rubber band.

I'll walk. I don't care. For goodness sakes, just let me walk!

Bus

2010-06-03T09:26:00.000-05:00

I took the bus to work this morning. Or, I took it a mile or so away from work and walked the rest of the way. It was an adventure. I liked it. And now, I'm very, very, tired.

No Car.

2010-06-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

Yes. I said "no car", not "new car". *sigh*

In about a half hour I will be picked up by my lovely sister. She will drive me across town where I will pay just under a hundred bucks to pick up my car. I will then drive my car to my driveway, and park it. To fix it would be thousands of dollars. Yeah. Cause clearly I've got THAT kind of cash just laying around. Not quite.

Tomorrow, I take the bus almost 2 hours earlier than I usually leave. I ride it to the final stop, about a mile from work, and then I hike it. After work, I'll find out just how long it takes to walk almost 4 miles home after working all day long.

At least it will still be light out when I get home.

Car Troubles, Pursuit of Love, and Mosquito Bites

2010-06-02T12:14:00.000-05:00

Car problems never seem to happen at the time when you have a massive windfall of money. Actually, I've never had a massive windfall of money, so I guess I cannot accurately make that assumption. Regardless, I find myself without a car today while the car Doctor checks her out. I'm anxiously awaiting "the call". I was anticipating it arriving around 11, but now it's just past noon and still no word. Can that be good?

My good friend is off on an adventure of a lifetime. I worried about her. Just like in the movies, she flew halfway across America to pursue the "one that got away". She's laying it all on the line for a chance at love and no regrets. I worry for her heart, a lot. But, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I do wish for the fairy tale happy ending. A wedding. A kiss. Babies. Love. The whole nine-yards. I look forward to hearing of her travels.

Mosquitoes are devil birds. I hate them. I have at least 15 bites (that I can identify) that are the size of dimes on my body. They itch like the dickens. The fantastic part is that I sprayed myself with OFF three flippin' times! The little devils LOVE me. Stupid pests.

I hope my car is okay. Also, I hope you're having a FABULOUS day!

Down For The Count

2010-05-26T16:52:00.000-05:00

Around half past midnight last night I had finished all of my business (see also: time wasting) on facebook and I was ready to go home. At some point I ventured into my sister's room to say 'hello' to her and her boyfriend. As I knelt and leaned over the edge of her bed my right thigh bashed into the sharp corner/edge of her bed.

Thinking back, I'm pretty sure I swore loudly right before hitting the floor.

I was certain my whole leg had been sliced open and that, well, this was it. It was the end for me. The curtain was closing as I lay bleeding to death beside her bed.

As children, and pretty much still as adults, my sister and I play this sick and semi-twisted game of injury. And it's pretty much a given that you play by the rules, because...well, just because, "dems da rules". For example, if I'm being particularly jerky, at any given moment my sister may take her hand and say "chopped" as she fashions her flattened hand in a cutting motion across my arm, or leg. At that point, it's peace-out arm, or leg! She either stiches it back on and fixes it, or I am forced to go without. Unless of course I have the strength and ability to fix it on my own.

I was seriously down for the count last night. I could feel the blood pooling around me. My body went numb and I think I saw a light. Granted, it was the light from the hallway, but still.

I needed staples. I could feel it. I knew it. I felt so helpless. No one came to my rescue. I had to do this on my own.

I reached down, mustering up my last ounce of strength, and I stapled my leg back together. I must admit, it was like taking power pills or something. It healed over pretty fast, and the blood didn't even get on my jeans. It must have evaporated really quickly, that's the only explanation I have.

Hmm, I bet that when I check it out later this evening, I'll have a pretty sweet scar - otherwise known as a big fat bruise!

Awesome.

Don't worry guys. I'll be okay. I hope.

This is Why I'm Hot

2010-05-24T16:56:00.000-05:00

Not sure what I can really say about this awesome picture of me, circa early 1980s, other than; clearly, I would do anything for a little attention. Especially from Polar Bears at the Zoo.

To Write, Or Not To Write?

2010-05-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

Why is there never 'time'?

I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day about the notion of 'love'. Hollywood has glamorized and romanticized 'love' to such an extent that it's just completely unrealistic. It's unattainable in our human lives to live out the life of a Hollywood romantic comedy. I'm not a cynic, just a realist. Realistically, love takes work. It can be fantastic, and wonderful, and even hearts and flowers and fluffy bunnies. But, at some point, there will be fights, tears, overflowing toilets and dirty laundry!

What about time, though? Why does time seem to be this thing that is so highly romanticized in my brain, yet never used? I have been legitimately pretty busy the past few months...but every day, in the far off recesses of my 40+ hour work week (with 2 jobs), a voice calls to me. It's a voice from a big comfy, cushy, plush chair - I think it's a deep wine color, maybe mustard - in the middle of a wooded area.

I'm not talking deep woods here, people. I'm talking dreamy, Savannah-type, woods.

Plop a big comfy chair in a patch of emerald green grass, covered with drops of morning dew. Add in the glory, comfort, and beauty of the twisted branches and hanging canopy of these trees. Cue the sun to stay frozen in the perfect spot, lighting the surroundings in an elegant glow of amber colors. Offering the light of a breathtaking sunset that is struggling to cast it's rays through the trees....and that, my friends, is where I want to write.

Needless to say, I don't have any of that. In the off chance that I have a chunk of time to spare these days, I'm absolutely worn out. Sometimes I just feel so completely drained from my work day that it seems as if I have nothing to give. Oh to have the life and the means to actually *do* what I'd enjoy doing - or dare I even say, LOVE doing?

Time sucks. So does love?

Maybe they're both overrated.

My Mom's in the Trunk

2010-05-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago was my trek out to Yosemite, CA with my older sister. We left on a Friday at 1am and 48 hours later we'd driven through 9 states and were somewhere in L.A.   Eventually I need to get my butt in gear and tell you the tales of a week long trip to scatter my Mother's ashes. Definitely a trip of mixed emotions as the family "gathered" for one last time together.

Today I had to stop and laugh as I remembered Day#2...Utah. Somewhere in or around the Moab desert we stopped for a stretch and to grab a map at the visitors center. And can I just say that there are a lot of States in this Country that are total rubbish with the visitor center deal? I mean, seriously, in Colorado you couldn't even get a free map until you were leaving the State! That's helpful.

Anyway, back to Utah.  Setting: A beautiful Visitor's Center stocked with information and attended by two adorably cute old ladies, one of whom could barely speak English but she kept giving me free crap and jamming it into a tourist bag. Whatever, it was free and she was sweet. As we were heading out the main lady was in the middle of giving us what turned out to be VERY helpful tips - like; after such and such point there is no civilization or gas stations for over 40 miles, so fuel up. Well, this woman (obviously quite concerned about Thelma and Louse out on their own) begins in with the Mom-type lectures about safety. We took it graciously, as we would from our Grandmother...if we had any Grandmother's! And as she lightly touched my arm she said, "I know you know all of this. I'm sure your Mother gave you an earful before you left."

Me, realizing that my Mom is in a plastic box in the trunk and that maybe that would be TMI for this precious old woman, quickly decides it's best to play along.

"Yeah." I said as I waved goodbye.

After getting outside, my sister coyly says, "So, Mom gave you an earful, huh?"

"Well, it was either that or tell the lady that actually my Mom is in the trunk - want to meet her?"

♪♫♪ On the road again....

Packing For A Trip

2010-04-27T10:34:00.000-05:00

This weekend was jam packed and full of excitement. The horses were lined up, the gun has been fired and "Dove" is running full steam ahead.

For those of you unaware of what "Dove" is, it is a movie that my cousin and her husband have written and been working tirelessly on. All of the pre-production details such as; casting, planning shoots, rewrites and so on finally took form this Saturday with the first official production meeting. I got to meet the actors and sit in on the plans etc. I'll be the tagalong picture taker and general I'm-here-so-what-do-you-need-me-to-do gal! Ha! I love this stuff. I love the hours of behind the scene stuff - the stuff that normal people get bored with.

Here's my plug. "September Son Films", check it out. "Dove" begins filming next month.

In other news, I just ate some jalepeno salsa. I didn't think it was very hot, but evidently I got a drop of it just below my lipline. It's currently burning a hole in my face. Internally, I'm good. Externally, not so much.

Fatty two by four had McDonalds for breakfast. I'm not gonna lie, it was good. Whenever I eat breakfast there, though, I find that my body feels like there is a brick in my stomach and I lose any hunger for most of the rest of the day. Heh, maybe it's a good diet option for me...

Went to the Bucks playoff game last night. And the crowd was nuts. Great game, and I scored a free coffee from McDonalds today because they scored over 100 points...shoot, I better remember to get that.

For the record, Mike Bibby is hot. True story.

New Art

2010-04-21T11:23:00.000-05:00

BEAUTIFUL

by Heidi Ervin (for Jesus)

When I laugh the sound fills your heart with joy

it leaps when I look at you

In your eyes I am beautiful.

Though fear may enter my heart, it flees when you are near

I find comfort in being held by you.

You make me feel beautiful.

In a crowded room your ears are tuned to me

and You never tire of listening.

My voice is beautiful to you.

Your heart breaks with every teardrop I shed

you pull me close with tears welling in your own eyes.

Still you look at me and see me beautiful.

In every accomplishment that I make you are there beside me cheering me on

you compliment and care for the giftings in my life.

Because of You they are beautiful.

When I am with you and near to your side I never feel lacking, alone, or out of place

You are where I belong.

You look at me and believe that I am beautiful.

You always long to be near me, to spend time with me

You wait for me even when I do not ask.

Our time together is beautiful.

Hopes, dreams, heartache and laughter,

we share every hurt, pain, and joy

What we have is beautiful.

You pray for me and sing over me.

You are my comfort and delight.

My soul finds its purpose and belonging in You.

You wrap me in your arms and hold me close.

You are Beautiful.

Stuff

2010-04-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

- I'm large. I wouldn't say extra-large, but who are we kidding here, I'm large.

- I have a new addiction, butterflies. No, I am not catching or studying the creatures. I am wearing them. I just started making this homemade clippy dealy things with a feather butterfly on them. I shall wear a butterfly practically every day this Summer. Simply because.

- Greenberg was a good flick.

- I got my blood taken for the first time ever today. I'm still alive, thus far. I might kick-it later though. Not sure yet.

- Mango gum is nasty. I keep chewing it, but it doesn't make me like it more - it just pisses me off and reminds me that I forgot to put the mint gum back into my purse.

- Road trip to Cali soon. Holla!

- In approximately 30 minutes my largest dream of today will come true...NAPTIME! I have a meeting at 7 and it's a half hour from home. But my body is fighting a SUPER crappy cold and makes me want to SLEEP!!!

I wonder if my arm will be bruised tomorrow...

Six Feet From the Edge...

2010-04-08T13:12:00.000-05:00

Ever have those lines from songs that just pop out at you like a sore thumb? Not always in a bad way, mind you, but at times in a way that you identify with on a soul level? I can recall singing (for the 100th time) a song on the radio, when all of the sudden, ♪♫♪ "How many times can I break till I shatter?"...♪♫♪ played and hit me like a ton of bricks. At that moment in time I deeply identified with a lyric that I'd casually repeated dozens of times before.

I'm sure it is crazy of me to admit this, but quite often I feel as if my life is a movie. At times I even could tell you what song is/would-be playing in the background of this "scene". I know, I'm nuts.

Last night I was watching an episode of "Six Feet Under". In this scene two older women, sisters, are having a fight that the audience understands to be a deeply rooted issue going back many years. The main character in the show, Ruth, is attacking her sister for being free-spirited and artsy, while she (Ruth) was forced to play the role of becoming a wife and Mother and raising a family, etc. And finally, in an all out verbal vomit of sorts, the sister confesses her envy of the life that Ruth had - and we discover that she herself was never able to have the children she so desperately wanted.

And this line stuck with me; "I surround myself with people who have talent that I will never realize."

The past few episodes of the show have made me wonder about my life - and then they were followed by this one, and this line. Ironic. I can't say I'm fully ready to unpack this sentence...nor do I really feel like I fully get it yet. But as a single woman, who more than likely will die alone. I have to assess what my life really stands for and what I invest my time into. Is my life making an impact? I think so. But how? Is it ironic that the closest bonded friendships I have or that I am in the process of forming, are married women? And married women with children, to top it off!

"I surround myself with people who have talent that I will never realize."

In one respect I think it's always best to surround yourself with people who will push you to grow. If you are always the one advising others, or helping others along...then are you really growing or going forward yourself? But then again, when you really stop to realize it...isn't it a sick sort of torture as well?

These are just my random thoughts...

Roadtrip!!!

2010-04-01T10:34:00.000-05:00

It feels as if it has been years since my last roadtrip. I miss the view from the road; the pit stops, the music, the fun, the adventure. And so, after a very long wait, I have finally reached one of my roadtrips months of 2010!

In 29 days I will be on the road and heading to California! First stop, Denver, CO. My sister and I will stay with our friend and her family for the night and then head to Vegas. I'm hoping to maybe get to our cousin's new place in the Mountains of CO, but we'll see. It would be great to see her new home. From Vegas to L.A., and from L.A. up the coast to Sacramento - where my brother lives. A three or four day roadtrip adventure to sunny Sacramento. We'll stay there for 4 or 5 days (one of which will be spent in Yosemite National Park) and then we'll fly home.

There is nothing more thrilling to me than having *something* big to look forward to. Bring on April!!!!!

Crap, that reminds me. I have to pay rent today.

Life and Death

2010-03-26T12:52:00.000-05:00

Death sucks. There is no way around it. As Siggy said in 'What About Bob?', "There's no way out of it. You're going to die. I'm going to die. It's going to happen. What difference does it make if it's tomorrow or in 80 years?"

I am 30 years old and I feel like death has become somewhat of a normal event in my life. Maybe that is just the way it goes when you're from a large family. And with 7,431 cousins...it's really going to suck in say forty years when we all start kickin' it!

I have had to deal with more death in my life than any of my friends my age (that I can think of). Their lives' seem to be this care-free bubble that seems so picturesque. In their 20s and 30s with parents who still pay their phone bills, or car payments. Parents that they can rely on to cover (financially) any car problems or rent payments if something comes up. Parents that help pay for their college and help put food on the table. I hope they realize how lucky they are. I never had that, and now I somehow have that even less.

Death causes a lot of different reactions inside of you. I'd be lying if I said that I don't believe it's made me bitter or callused in any way, because it has. I've lost so many people in my life that it's ridiculous. Five years ago next month, I lost my best friend, Pam. And then, in just over a year, there has been a steady flow of them; My Aunt Lu (dad's sister), Vache (our 16yr old cat), my Mom, my Uncle Eric (mom's brother), my friend Eddie (like a father to me), my Aunt Margie (Grandma's youngest sister)... it's insane.

Death comes to us all. "Death is the destiny of every man, the living should take this to heart." -Bible. It's true. But why does it seem to never affect certain people? It's an oddity. I mean, it will, eventually. There's no doubt about that. It's just surreal to see people my age having it so easy and yet complaining about it. Really? REALLY?

As I lose more of those close to me, I realize how 'conditional' friendships are - yet how the bond of blood is so very strong. I cannot tell you how many people I have felt completely let down by in the past month. And then something, like a death, happens in the family and you realize that even in the midst of the hardest times...regardless of faith, beliefs, politics, hurts, etc. family comes together. Family eventually sees beyond all of that, even their own agendas, and is there.

On Tuesday I will attend my Aunt's funeral. There will be tears, there will probably be a lot of laughs, but it's like saying goodbye to an era. Within a year the oldest living members left on that side of the family have passed away. I can't help but feel as though we've lost so much of our history. The stories I heard so many times as a child seem to be the very things I'm struggling to hold on to - praying that they don't slip away. Hoping that by some small chance the details remembered are at least somewhat accurate... I suppose that's how it's always been though. Memories live on through stories. Eventually those stories become less and less accurate, but the love and laughter will always remain. I come from a family that is rich with that.

Play That Funky Music White Boy

2010-03-01T17:24:00.001-06:00

The above photo was shot on my way home from a weekend trip in South Western Wisconsin. While driving down a two-lane hwy in Amish country I spotted an old abandoned farmhouse, barn and smaller barn, along the side of the road. Being the adventurous woman that I am, coupled with the fact that my heart *beats* for artsy photography shots such as this, we pulled over. I cannot begin to speak of the wonders within this house. It was astonishing to actually get in there and see and *feel* the history; to wonder what the story behind letting such a wonder fall into utter disrepair...

And so we went through the entire house, minus most of the shorter bit to the left - which I am kicking myself for NOT exploring! There were so many amazing things within this small home...

No T.V. and no Internet

2010-02-09T16:27:00.000-06:00

I now live in my storybook house. The previous dwellers referred to it as their 'Gingerbread' house. Maybe I'll use that phrase too. The house is great. It's very quiet, and very lovely. Like me. Or not. Only problem is that I can't afford cable or Internet at the moment. I'm still sorting those issues out. Internet is more of a need in my book, as I can watch most shows from there anyway these days.

Having said that, I trekked out to Wal*Mart for 'rabbit ears' the other night. Twenty bucks. My project, soon enough, will be to hook those bad boys (along with the converter box) up. In the meantime, I watch DVDs. I have completed Season One of 'Fringe', and Season Two of 'Project Runway'. Next up is the first half of Season One of 'Glee'. Oh yes, I am that cool. Hard to believe.

This week all the hype is over the fact that soda *may* contribute to cancer. Really? Wow. Shocking. *as I pop open my Pepsi and toss my empty Dr. Pepper can into the trash* It's not that I throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak, it's just that pretty much anything that you do, or don't do, these days, causes cancer. Well, guess what? My odds of cancer or something else incredibly random are pretty high. That just tells me that I have to do what I think is right for my body - and in all things, attempt for moderation.

These are times when being rich would be nice. As if I have the money to buy fresh organic fruits and veggies and meats all the time anyway. Besides, organic? I mean, don't the people harvesting that crap still peeing the fields as they work, just like the ones with the pesticides do? I don't know, I digress...

As the white snow continues to layer itself outside, I look forward to an evening of cooking and cleaning. I am odd and I know that. I have excepted this, please do the same. Last night I cleaned the toilet. I find great joy in cleaning bathrooms. Mine. I should clarify that I like cleaning my OWN bathrooms. Love. It. Now that that is done, I will sort through old clothes and makes some homemade Zuppa Tuscana soup tonight.

I absolutely love the quiet peace of staying "in" on a snowy night.

Painting Project

2010-02-05T16:36:00.000-06:00

I have two weeks to complete a mural project on a wall in Racine. The deadline totally instituted by myself. I work best under a bit of pressure. This is my first mural on my own. Should be fun. We'll see how it goes.

Trouble

2010-01-29T10:34:00.000-06:00

In fourth grade I was in love with Bart Simpson - partially because he was new, partially because he was a rebel. I always went for the rebel-type, I suppose. I still remember the 'Bartman' and it's follow-up 'Deep Trouble'. Is it incredibly sad that I can still rattle off all the words to both?

Clearly this week started with a bang. As in, bang, your window is smashed - deal with it. Good times. Only to be followed up by the fact that the remaining water that the shop vac *didn't* remove from my seat should have evaporated in a few days...but, again, it's winter in WI and nothing can be that easy in my life, right? Right. Sunday night brought back it's icy frozen tundra temps, and since then the top layer of my seat is a block of ice. Granted it's not completely soaked, so you cannot see it. But none-the-less, every time I sit on it, I feel the frozen fabric give as I proceed to ride on a block of ice, literally freezing my @$$ off. Again, good times.

This week has also brought with it a struggle with my blog. First the comments won't work because I used a new template. Fan-freakin'-tastic. So I change it back. Comments denied. So I spend hours searching, messing with HTML codes, resetting things, EVERYTHING...no help. Eventually I change the layout/display of comments and voila(!) comments! In a last ditch effort to resurrect the old/new background, I reapplied it. Again, messed with HTML to get the stupid "click here for more layouts" thing NOT to show on my blog. I'm so cool like that! And now, well, now it seems like all is well with the world yet again. So far, the comments seem to be working.

Please tell me that they are, because if they are not, I may have to kick a puppy or something....

*no puppies were harmed in the typing of this blog.

New Post. New Background. New Year.

2010-01-25T16:25:00.000-06:00

I've been lackadaisical with my posts this year. In England they'd call it lacksadaisy. Or maybe that's just my friend, Olivia. Could be. After all, I found great joy in teaching her ghetto slang, pickup lines, and saying Fanny May - just to see her turn three shades of red.

Today I've decided to clean the blog slate and begin my year. However, my lack of Internet at my new place is extremely *not* helpful! Please bear with me through the process.

My car window was smashed in Saturday night. Made for a wonderful, albeit RAINY, Sunday morning. My seat is soaking wet. My car was coated inside with a layer of tiny bits and pieces of glass. Awesome. But, just over 24 hours later, Beatrice is whole again and now I focus on the fact that I need brakes and am broke. Thank you, to the punk that smashed my window for absolutely no reason.

Could it be a jaded lover?.... A jealous ex?.... A story fitting for Lifetime?

No. It's me. Random act of violence. I like to consider it as a hate crime.

I mean, I hated it.

2010 - Here I Come!!!!

2010-01-05T17:00:00.001-06:00

And with a dramatic entrance, I welcome the year of our Lord Two-Thousand and Ten. With this welcoming I ask myself the question of the decade; do I commit to join the band of jovial humans who insist on pronouncing it as 'Twenty-Ten'? Or, do I stick to my guns and hang on to actually saying the number correctly?

I think I'm going with the latter. If anyone calls me on it, I think I may have to start saying; "The year of our Lord, two-thousand and ten." Every. Time.

Happy New Year, friends!

So Let's Join in Just One Last Chorus...

2009-12-01T16:45:00.000-06:00

Such a motley crew are we!

Well, ever the queen of spontaneity, I ended up back in Pembroke, Virginia a few weekends ago for the Patrick Swayze Memorial service. Yet another 'Dirty Dancing' themed weekend. This one was more spir of the moment, however. Amie and I shifted things around and were able to drive ourselves to Kellerman's to meet our friends for a weekend of dancing, great food, trivia, a dedication, and laughs!

The drive there was beautiful. Up the mountain with the sun streaming through the barren trees. Leaves blowing around. The scents of Fall were thick in the air and just like the opening of the movie, we pulled up to the hotel.

Walking through the doors we were greeted by the familiar, and incredibly friendly, staffers. The feel of the Holidays covered the hotel everywhere we looked.

Mountain Lake has had plenty of crazy groups of people over the years but I'm sure ours is one of the best. The staff all enjoyed their turn at harassing us but it was only because they knew we could take it - and that we'd dish it right back that them. They appreciated our eccentricities! Like dance parties in the gazebo, and randomly jumping for pictures.

This weekend was dedicated to the Memory of Patrick Swayze.

A film crew from Lion's Gate were there to video every moment of the 'themed' weekend. If it weren't for my own laziness, I wouldn't have missed being interviewed for the next anniversary 'Dirty Dancing' dvd that will be release in 2010.

I got over it though, and I purposed to make it into every other shot! Ha! I know I'll be in for the Marengue lessons. Dancing with the woman instructor. Good thing I looked like total crap at that moment. Hoping for that close-up on my blotchy red face and my no make-up! WOO! Oh, on top of that, Amie and I had sat on the wet ground ten minutes earlier, so my but was wet. Well, let's clarify. I had two cd-sized circles on either cheek of my pants. That's so hot. Leave it to me.

So when you see me attempting to dance on the dvd - now you'll know why I randomly have a black sweater tied around my waste!

Awesome.

Another great trip to Kellerman's. There are so many other fantastic tales I could tell from my visits there but I will leave them for another day. Needless to say, we're going back next August. Absolutely.