Things I've Learned from Living with my Dad...

I am counting down the days until I am able to move out of my childhood home. Somehow, "home" is not home without my Mom there. I love my Dad, don't get me wrong, but my Mom knew that I wouldn't be able to stay there for long, nor would she want me to! That is why, shortly before she died, she asked me to please move home for 6 months to a year. And that is why I may turn 30 and be living at home. Are you kidding me?

In the meantime, these are things that I've learned from living at home with my Dad...after over a decade of freedom.

• Empty cans go on the kitchen counter. Clearly opening the backhall door to drop it in the recycling bag is a ridiculous request.
• Dirty kitchen towels go on the pencil sharpener in the kitchen. Again, opening the backhall door to drop it in the laundry is proposterous!
• Never re-use the same glass. It makes the most sense to use at least 8 different glasses a day.
• Never rinse your dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
• Naps are taken between the hours of 5pm and 10pm.
• After folding your laundry, it's best to keep it on couches and chairs in the living room. For weeks if need be.
• If you are hungry, it's best to wait until someone else in the house is hungry, because then you will not have to get the food out and prepared, or put it away when you're finished.
• You can never have too many coffee cans, pencils, pens.....
• Shaving your hair outside is perfectly normal. Not white trash in the least.
• If you say your back hurts, you won't have to drag the garbage down the street and around the corner - thanks to the fact that you can't leave it in front of your own house because the road will be torn up till Christmas!
• Ignoring your alarm clock isn't annoying to others at ALL!
• Slamming doors, at any hour of the day, is completely normal. Others should learn to deal with it, even if they are trying to sleep.
• It's easier to yell something upstairs (at any hour of the day/night) than actually walking up them, regardless of who may be trying to sleep.
• Encouraging your cat to walk in front of you and spontaniously laydown - and therefore rewarding her for it - is cute. Especially when she THEN does it to people who are carrying in groceries or something, because surely they'd much rather stop and pet, or look at, a stupid cat, than get to their destination and set down their heavy load.
• It is easier to call someone at work, to see if they took the clothes out of the dryer, than it is to walk down the stairs and check it for yourself.
• A can of green beans is a meal.
• Cheetos are a meal
• Adding rice, pasta, carrots or peas to a meal is foolish and therefore should not be eaten.
• Easter baskets can be used to hats, while watching television.
• If you see two people tying to carry 11 12-packs of soda across the torn up road (so that they get it done in one trip - in the middle of the pouring rain) it's best to laugh at them instead of assisting them, because there is no use in all 3 of you getting wet!
• Cat treat containers are perfect for sorting nails, bolts and screws into.

....and endlessly more.....